What, you thought you weren’t going to get a picks post? Jackal, please. This Saturday we’ll be treated to the first major Strikeforce card under Zuffa ownership, featuring a main event between two guys who aren’t exactly best budz with the new bosses, two lightweights who engaged in a classic war back in 2006, and an asshole with goofy pants who lost to a cross-dresser taking on some other asshole with goofy pants. MMA, woohoo! On to the picks!
Nick Diaz vs. Paul Daley:
Scissors: Full disclosure here, boys and girls–I can’t stand Nick Diaz. Stockton is not that bad, homie. This guy managed to grow up in Stockton and not get shot, so don’t walk around acting like you’re from the City of God or some shit. Paul Daley’s also a giant twat, but at least he suckerpunched a universally disliked asshat instead of picking on a skinny reporter. A collision of colossal assholes has to produce an upset–Daley by KO in round 2.
Reverend: I hate both of these fighters and I know I will feel some form of gratification at the end, since at least one is going to get a beating. Diaz is a half retarded Mexican gangster-cholo-wannabe and Daley is a goofy half=retarded black British gangster-wannabe. Diaz couldn’t wrestle his way out off a wet paper bag, but luckily Daley sucks at basically everything aside from striking. I expect a lot of punches to be thrown on both sides and Diaz ending up with the win, but coming out of the fight looking like freshly slaughtered beef. Diaz via UD
Gilbert Melendez vs. Tatsuya Kawajiri:
Scissors: Kawajiri, you been tuggin’ at mah heartstrings all week! Melendez, you been drippin’ grease from that fuckin’ jericurl on my rug all week! Melendez has spent the better part of the last year talking himself up in relation to the UFC’s crop of lightweights while not actually doing any fighting, and Kawajiri has been busy beatin’ up on Josh Thomson in DREAM. My heart says “pray for mojo Japan,” but my head says Melendez by decision.
Reverend: Melendez could make Diaz fall asleep, but not with a finish. Luckily for him he is fighting a guy from Japan who is not so good at wrestling. Kawajiri and Melendez combined have gone to 6 decisions out their last 10 fights. I expect more action in the stands than in the cage for this fight. Melendez via Japan no wrestle
More picks after the jump
Gegard Mousasi vs. Keith Jardine:
Scissors: Franklin McNeil picked Jardine. Nuff said. Moo-sassy, despite his less-than-stellar wrasslin’, is still a pretty fucking good striker and Jardine’s defense is so porous you could drive a Mack truck through it. Mousasi by ugly-ass KO.
Reverend: Mousasi should take this easily but thats what everyone said about Chuck and Forrest. Jardine is as crafty as Martha Stewart, but also about as agile. Mousasi has fought a who’s who of former Pride guys but when he finally met an All American he got wrestle-fucked to death. I bet this fight ends in an ass-raping, but it could also be a sleeper.
Mousasi via KO
Shinya Aoki vs. Lyle “Fancypants” Beerbohm:
Scissors: It’s a pants fight and your mother’s invited! “Fancy Pants” Beerbohm is pretty good at that boring jiu-jitsu stuff, but Aoki is really good at it. I think those book-learnin’ types call this a quandry. Unfortunately for Shinya, the way he reacts to getting hit makes Brock Lesnar look like Sugar Ray Leonard and this fight’s startin’ on the feet. Beerbohm’s not exactly the second coming of CroCop, but he can throw a jab. Against Aoki, that’s all it takes–Beerbohm by TKO, round 1.
Reverend: Battle of the Goofy Clothed Grapplers. Beerbohm has fought a buncha nobodies or guys who were hyped as the 2nd coming only to end up sucking balls (Ribeiro). Aoki is not a fighter I can ever root for, because he is a cry baby loser. After his queer-out due to getting elbowed on the shoulder I have never liked him. Fancy Pants via having the ability to wrestle and strike.
Robert Peralta vs. Hiroyuki “Streetfight Bancho” Takaya:
Bet you thought “Fancypants” was the best nickname on the card, didn’t you? WRONG. Anyways. Who the fuck is Robert Peralta and why is the DREAM 145lb champion fighting him on the undercard? Cross your fingers that we get to see this one on the broadcast, because Takaya’s ” target=”_blank”>pretty, pretty good. Takaya by KO in the very first round.
Reverend: Don’t give a shit
That just about wraps it up. I’m not picking the undercard because it’s littered with California regional circuit nobodies that I don’t give a fuck about. Diaz must be rubbing off on me.