10:00 I guess it’s cool that Strikeforce is introducing all the heavyweight GP contestants at the start of it’s event but Block Rockin’ Beats / Jimmy Lennon Jr and a few tracklights just can’t equal fighter mangling pyro / Lenne Hardt / PRIDE executives in loincloths banging on giant taiko drums.
10:10 Oh god, Gus Johnson is back and he looks like he went to Wanderlei Silva’s plastic surgeon. Plus you know it’s an important night because Mauro Ranallo doesn’t look like an alcoholic hobo this evening.
10:15 Valentijn Overeem is fighting, which means endless Valentines Day jokes. It gets old before the fight even starts
VALENTIJN OVEREEM VS RAY SEFO
ROUND 1: It’s straight up kickboxing for the first two and a half minutes until Valentijn realizes he’s taking some crazy shots to the face every time he comes in. He shoots a takedown right out of 2002 but it still works on Sefo … so does the neck crank – Sefo taps!
WINNER: VALENTIJN OVEREEM VIA SUBMISSION
10:23 Did Gus Johnson just call the neck crank a ‘subtle and effective’ submission? THAT’S KNOWLEDGE!!!
10:25 Now we are onto the Fedor Interview, sponsored by Prozak. The hot Karyn Bryant replacement asks some dumb question about why he listens to ‘Orthodox music with no beat’, which seems to confuse him. Oh, I know why … it wasn’t one of the questions which Fedor’s people put the answer to on paper for his translator to read. Man, that was seriously a pill of an interview. I’ve seen statues give better answers.
10:30 Listening to the Strikeforce commentators building up Gianpiero Villante makes me wanna puke.
10:32 Goddamn is Chad Griggs a gigantic hick. If you couldn’t tell from the sideburns, how about his walkout music: Disturbed’s ‘Down With The Sickness’ That makes Bring the Pain feel like a fresh cutting edge tune.
GIANPIERO VILLANTE VS CHAD GRIGGS
Looking at records here, the immediate assumption here is that Griggs is once again getting fed to someone who’s coming into Strikeforce as a big deal. Villante is 8-1 with all first round stoppages. But Griggs doesn’t lie down – he takes the offensive immediately and just starts slugging away. Villante almost seems surprised – it’s like the first time his supper has had the audacity to fight back. Villante manages to catch Griggs with the slowest headkick ever but before he can take advantage, Yves Lavinge steps in to put Gian’s mouthpeice back in. Sucks for him, but hey … it’s your job to keep it in yo mouth. From there Griggs comes right back out throwing more right crosses. He drops Villante once, drops him again, and finishes him off with some ground and pound. Score another upset for Mr Chum.
WINNER: CHAD GRIGGS VIA KO
10:40 They’re interviewing GP contestants now. Fabricio Werdum is now the man to such a degree that he doesn’t even give a shit that he can’t speak english, he just keeps rollin with it. Josh Barnett does his standard interview full of strange death metal references about blood and honor. I liked goofy witty Josh more than this latest pro-wrestling inspired angle.
10:45 Again: the problem with Strikeforce’s commentary team is you never know if they’re telling you the truth or just sucking every cock they can get their lips around. We can all agree on Shane Del Rosario and Lavar Johnson as solid prospects, but they way they’re just workin those donks…
SHANE DEL ROSARIO vs LAVAR JOHNSON
Round 1: Johnson starts slugging while del rosario roombas the action to the cage. Lavar turns it around and takes him down but can’t get anything done with a minute of attempted GnP before Shane gats back up. Johnson is throwing some bombs but Shane finally has some success pushing forward returning fire, following it up with a takedown to side control and then mount. Del Rosario is trying to get the pistons going for a mounted GnP finish, but Johnson is protecting too well. With the round ending, Shane gives up on the punching and grabs the arm for a submission. Johnson grabs for his fist but can’t stop the armbar from extending outwards and taps.
WINNER: SHANE DEL ROSARIO VIA SUBMISSION
11:10 I love how Showtime keeps pimping Nurse Jackie and United States of Tara during MMA. Good choices for the demographic, guys!
ANDREI ARLOVSKI VS SERGEI KHARITONOV
Round 1: kharitonov is keeping arlovski up against the cage but Arlovski is doing well, landing crisper punches and setting shit up better. But Kharitonov is still looking more dangerous – he’s driving Arlovski around the cage and throwing bombs. They clinch up and Sergei gets the best of it, catching Andrei with shots that have Arlovski stunned on his feet. We know where this is going – Kharitoniv pushes forward, drops Arlovski, and puts him out completely with a few brutal shots before the ref steps in.
WINNER: SERGEI KHARITONOV VIA KO
11:20 Sergei Kharitonov gives a foreign language shout out to all the Russians in the house and New Jersey represent by screaming their heads off.
11:25 Frank Shamrock says ‘Maybe Arlovski should quit, I don’t know.’ After 4 serious hardcore knockouts, I think maybe he should at least stop fighting FIST RAPING MONSTERS.
11:27 Gina Carano segment! She’s coming back!
11:30 Gina Carano interview! Oh baby. You fat.
11:31 I like the Volcano Apocalypse background Strikeforce has going on behind fighters now during interviews. Way better than the empty room w/ echo from a while ago.
11:31 I like the Volcano Apocalypse background Strikeforce has going on behind fighters during interviews now. Way better than an empty room w/echo
FEDOR EMELIANENKO VS BIGFOOT SILVA
Round 1: Fedor swinging strong and often, Silva’s just backing up, trying to counter. Bigfoot’s getting the worse of the exchanges so he pushes Fedor onto the cage and leans on him til the ref splits them up. Now Silva is pushing forward and throwing. Fedor is using good head movement to avoid most of the shots but is still taking some mean looking blows. Bigfoot pushing forward is an imposing sight – the dude is pretty effing huge. They meet against the cage and Fedor starts trying to get a guillotine in. It doesn’t work but forces Silva to lift him and slam him down – Fedor ends up on top and starts going to work. Fedor goes for a kimura and goes for broke on it, letting Bigfoot up in the process. Bigfoot pulls his arm out and lands a massive hook that doesn’t seem to phase Fedor but has serious business written all over it. They start exchanging, going 10 secods rock’m sock’m with no clear winner before Silva ends the round via takedown. 10-9 Silva for getting the bigger shots in … but it was CLOSE
Round 2: Bigfoot gets Fedor down and starts trying to pin his arm for some ground and pound. He can’t get much done in half guard so he’s trying sidecontrol now. And now suddenly mount! Silva starts geting some shots in and Fedor starts bucking and rolling onto his belly. Now Silva is trying to brute strength a rear naked choke but it ain’t working. He goes back to top beats and puts together a 20 whack combo that is getting through and damaging Fedor but doesn’t quite impress the ref enough to stop things. Silva moves to head and arm choke and the crowd freaks like they’re watching a Wreslemania sleeper hold. Fedor escapes that shit after half a minute and all of a sudden Bigfoot Silva looks like he doesn’t have enough strength left to do any more damage. Silva is obviously gassed but has enough juice left to dive for a sloppy kneebar. Fedor turns it around and starts going for the ankle. Any hope that Fedor has a santa sack full of deadly footlocks is lost when Bigfoot does a little ‘i don’t think so’ motion as the round ends. 10-9 Silva and wow, what a crazy blowout. Close to 10-8
11:50 It’s complete confusion as the fight is waved off over Fedor’s eye being swelled shut. For five minutes, it isn’t clear what was going on – Fedor and Bigfoot’s corners are both preparing for round 3 right up until someone decides to clear things up and really call the fight as over. Crappy because who knows what would have happened in round 3, but that eye looked like a vagina that had just been karate kicked 30 times in a row.
WINNER: BIGFOOT SILVA VIA DOCTOR’S STOPPAGE
11:55 Bigfoot just wants to be respected as a hard worker – he says something about people assuming he spends his time sitting on the sofa drinking soda like a lazy piece of shit. I take a sip of my soda, adjust my sofa cushions, and feel slightly bad about myself.
11:58 Fedor says “Maybe it’s time to leave” Gus Johnson asks for clarification, and Fedor says “Maybe” again. Long story short we’ll have to wait and see what God tells him to do.