We here at Fightlinker have chats for all the televised shows. Sometimes there’s a lot of people, sometimes there’s not; sometimes Ryan and Jake are in it, sometimes they’re not – but you can always count on it to be funny. Now I know most of us are uptown men of the millennium and are away from computers while watching MMA, though that’s not always the case. Maybe you’re staying home for a show or your friends aren’t hardcore enough to stay up until 4 AM (check local listings) to watch Hideo Tokoro. Don’t worry, there IS a solution. Ever wanted to do a text-only version of Mystery Science Theater with your fellow Jackals? Well, that’s what the Fightlinker chat is for. Just some (straight) dudes getting together to have a (straight) fun time with each other. So next time there’s an event make sure to stop by and join in on the awesome.
Last night’s DREAM 10 was no exception to that. If you don’t believe me, the cliff notes are after the jump (and they’re straight-up funny).
Hayato Sakurai vs. Marius Zaromskis:
(01:05:13) Jackal A: is zaromskis supposed to be some sort of super saiyan ginger?
(01:06:29) Jackal C: I will judge my pick on this fight solely based on how tired faturai looks after running down the ramp
(01:06:50) Jackal A: he might not run it, just take it slow
(01:06:58) Jackal C: I hope that’s a padded shirt. He looks bloated
(01:07:13) Jackal A: he should ride out in a little electric cart like they did on dynamite usa [to] conserve his energy
(01:10:56) Jackal C: Mach is eating way too much clean shots
(01:11:04) Jackal A: mach is eating to much period!
(01:16:16) Jackal C: mach should stick to porn
(01:16:39) Jackal B: Somewhere, David Baron is now less relevant
(01:17:01) Jackal A: i didnt know david baron could be less relevant
(01:21:51) Jackal C: There’s about 30 japanese dream businessmen backstage committing seppuku
(01:40:56) Jackal A: I’m all for weird ass rules in grappling competition though
(01:41:10) Jackal B: Ones that make Jeff Monson strip?
(01:41:25) Jackal C: i never want anything that gets monson to strip
On the Super-Hulk tournament:
(01:53:40) Jackal A: if giants ever attacked the earth, japan would sent minowa to stop them all
On the future of DREAM:
(01:58:16) Jackal A: this guy would save dream: *Giant Sylvia photoshop*. some geneticists need to get to work on that
(01:59:26) Jackal B: Or you can pay Tim Sylvia to have sex with Giant Silva. Lord knows he needs the money.
(01:59:50) Jackal A: didn’t he get half a mill to get zulu’d by fedor?
(02:00:03) Jackal B: Yup
(02:00:15) Jackal A: that probably buys a lot of ammo and whatever else he buys
(02:00:33) Jackal B: Belt polish, “just in case”
(02:01:00) Jackal A: for some reason, I think he’s got plenty of [unused] belt polish stocked up already
Paulo Filho vs. Melvin Manhoef:
(02:11:33) Jackal C: this fight will answer the age old question “can even a crackhead sub melvin manhoef?”
(02:12:15) Jackal A: manhoef should just tape some Rohypnol to his glove and Paulo Filho will throw his face right into it
(02:12:57) Jackal B: Addicted to roofies? Every day must have been like The Hangover for Filho
(02:18:18) Jackal B: If Melvin is invited to Paulo’s afterparty he better not accept a drink
Comments during the intermission and it’s promos:
(02:34:06) Jackal A: affliction, where you can see the IFL guys the ufc didn’t want
(02:51:39) Jackal B: Didn’t Baroni teach Nishijima enough of a lesson?
(02:52:48) Jackal C: if you get subbed by baroni you should just find a new job
(02:55:47) Jackal B: Saku is gonna once again ask Mezger for the extra round
(02:56:26) Jackal C: ken shamrock is going to jump in and tell him no
(02:58:05) Jackal B: Did he just say “Sakugasam”?
(02:58:19) Jackal A: i hope not
Jesse Taylor vs. Yoon Dong Sik:
(02:59:38) Jackal B: They need to show him pissing himself
(03:01:08) Jackal A: shit, I don’t care if dong’s not wearing a gi jacket, he’s gonna get a collar choke
(03:02:08) Jackal B: Does Reggae music count a probable cause?
(03:06:57) Jackal C: Jesse Taylor just made half a mil.
(03:09:07) Jackal A: “stretcher job” sounds like very specific porn
(03:09:10) Jackal C: Pretty sure a dude with an ankle injury doesn’t need a goddamn stretcher
(03:09:48) Jackal A: “well done dong sik yoon it’s a wheel chair for you.” wtf?
Shinya Aoki vs. Vitor Ribero:
(03:09:47) Jackal B: “Super grappling slugfest”?
(03:15:32) Jackal C: “Makes more men submit than a dominatrix”
(03:16:47) Jackal B: They can’t afford pyro anymore so they have orange scarfs tied to fans
(03:17:13) Jackal B: They’re making sure to keep Mach’s tub of ice cream out of frame
(03:23:30) Jackal A: “those kicks are kicking so hard”
(03:31:27) Jackal C: why are we still watching this fight
(03:32:48) Jackal A: my stream froze and i barely give a shit
(03:36:57) Jackal C: I don’t care who wins
(03:37:01) Jackal A: double loss
(03:37:03) Jackal C: This was fucking embarrassing to watch
(03:37:33) Jackal A: they should get manhoef to punch them each in the head, first person to stand up wins
(03:37:50) Jackal C: that’d be an amazing tie breaker
(03:38:13) Jackal A: the only downside is that manhoef might somehow get submitted
On Paulo Filho:
(03:53:44) Jackal A: im sure filho is already enjoying his post fight “celebration”
(03:54:06) Jackal B: Can you enjoy something if you’re unconcious?
Zaromskis vs. High
(03:48:55) Jackal C: Sakurai is crying himself into a barrel of pork rines right now
(03:57:05) Jackal B: Oh fuck
(03:57:22) Jackal A: is he dead?
(03:57:52) Jackal B: I think I’m gonna throw up
(03:59:24) Jackal C: I don’t mind zaromskis being top 20 now
(03:59:41) Jackal A: well of course he’s top 20, #1 is in the top 20
On the crowning ceremony:
(04:00:14) Jackal A: Now it’s time for Ryan to wake up and write about the event like he was here watching it
(04:01:16) Jackal C: how can you go from having trouble hitting 155 [to] having trouble hitting 167?
(04:02:04) Jackal B: Yeah, next Mach is gonna struggle to make 183 next
(04:02:31) Jackal A: mach will be in the next super hulk tourney as one of the big motherfuckers
(04:03:12) Jackal C: Yeah people will say Mach has too big of a weight advantage to fight Bob Sapp
(04:06:27) Jackal B: I think they’re giving Mach a gift certificate to McDonalds to save money
(04:01:20) Jackal A: i hope dana can sign him, but his management might be full of “crazy lithuanians”
(04:03:24) Jackal C: so is gsp going to try to leave the UFC to get a fight with the great Marius zaromskis?
(04:04:13) Jackal A: new p4p list: 1. Zaromskis 2. everyone else
(04:05:10) Jackal B: this only leaves two questions about Zaromskis: 1 – who can beat him? and 2 – no they can’t.
(04:06:27) Jackal A: did the white fighter just beat the black fighter
(04:06:31) Jackal B: someone alert mayweather
(04:07:06) Jackal C: mayweather will just claim that mma was created for lithuanians who couldnt cut it in boxing
(04:08:13) Jackal B: Is Jason High awake or is he now a zombie?
(04:08:48) Jackal C: he’s being held up by strings from the ceiling
(04:01:58) Jackal C: He can literally buy half of lithuania with this check
(04:08:37) Jackal B: Yeah, that belt is worth more than the Lithuanian GDP
(04:09:07) Jackal A: that two more belts than anyone thought he would ever win
(04:09:20) Jackal B: He’s gonna go back to Lithuania like a damn king
(04:09:33) Jackal A: Where will he put the belts when he gets home
(04:09:36) Jackal C: I’m thinking those belts just bought him a seat in parliament
(04:09:38) Jackal A: His house would be ransacked by vagrants, Those belts are a death sentence
(04:10:00) Jackal B: Dr. Doom is gonna melt them down for a new mask
(04:10:04) Jackal C: Give him some farm seed you butchers
(04:10:05) Jackal A: he’s going to have enough money to build a moat
(04:11:04) Jackal B: Mach doesn’t care that he lost; he’s gonna go home and bang all those ring girls
(04:11:16) Jackal C: And he’s gonna film it
(04:11:42) Jackal A: itll be 10 minutes of fucking, 30 minutes of him eating the cheeseburgers he hides under his bed
(04:11:59) Jackal B: And he’s gonna keep his shirt on
(04:18:25) Jackal A: wonder who dream will hang all their hopes on now
(04:18:34) Jackal B: JT Money