The world is overflowing with idiots nowadays. There’s no doubt about it, people are getting dumber, and the dumber they get, the more sheep-like they become. In most social circles it can be hard to tell who are the brainless cattle and who are not. Fortunately for us MMA fans, that’s not really a problem: the majority of the mouth breathers out there identify themselves by wearing Affliction shirts. These basically serve as hovering neon signs above their wearers reading “I AM A GIGANTIC TOOL”.
Ah Affliction, the shirts so ugly you’d be hardpressed to identify one lying on top of a pile of mechanic’s rags. These things have really exploded in popularity amongst MMA fans. Why? Because Affliction PAID popular people (the sellouts) to wear them, and other less popular people (the sheep) saw them and followed along. Baa, sheep, Baa. At a certain point several months ago, the shirts hit the ‘tipping point’ where they got so popular that normal people assumed they must be out of touch for not liking them. But I’m here to remind you that these shirts suck a whole army’s worth of dong. Let’s break down a few shirts from the site:
Ooh, a skull wearing a tophat. I thought that shit went out of style sometime around 1988, and even then it was only cool if you were 13 or high off blow and listening to Guns’N’Roses. Affliction has a gigantic boner for skulls, be it pope skulls, soldier skulls, cowboy skulls, or skulls wearing victorian headwear or aviator sunglasses. No matter what’s going on with the design, you can never have enough skulls as far as Affliction is concerned.
I’m also very confused about the ‘stained’ look of the shirts. The last time I saw a shirt like this one, it was on a guy who’d been working in the boiler room of an iron plant for 8 hours. Since when did sweat stains become fashionable? Not that I’m against that trend – if that’s what’s in vogue then it kinda helps me out. I’m a sweaty beast. Like literally, I have a medical condition.
Another skull with tophat, this time combined with an ancient tome! This shirt looks like something pulled out of a b-rate Dungeons & Dragons adventure. The irony here is I doubt anyone who’d wear this shirt has ever read a book as thick as the one portrayed on their shirt. And no, even if the Harry Potter books did count, only watching the movies still wouldn’t.
Now this just pisses me off. How tasteful do you think it would be for Germans to wear a shirt with a skull wearing a Yarmulke on it? So why the fuck do you think it’s okay for people living in North America to wear clothes depicting dead Native Americans? Yeah, I know it’s great that we’ve decided to not give a shit about what was done to the Indians, but I still find this crap annoying as all hell.
I’m still waiting for Hasbro to sue the fuck out of the Pit for basically popping the head off a Skeletor action figure and sticking it on a He-Man figurine. Past that point, I know the ‘idea’ of a shirt with the cage imprint sounded good, but the implementation leaves something to be desired. This dude looks like a vanilla welfare spiderman redneck.
I get the feeling like this was the Affliction guys’ attempt to respond to the “All your stupid shirts look the same” accusations. And honestly, if this is the best they can do they might as well stick to the stained / skeleton / fleur de lys shit they do now because this is just about the most awful thing my eyes have ever seen. It looks like a sewing guild full of 90 year old grandmothers took a stab at “that there hardcore look the kiddies are digging right now.”
While not as bad as the celtic tattoos you’d probably find on the people wearing this shirt, the celtic designs on this shirt are pretty damned terrible. A celtic iron cross? In shining blue? How does that make any kind of sense whatsoever???