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The Fightlinker Hammer Contest! Take Two

A funny thing happened for last week’s Hammer contest: no one entered. That’s right … other than one deaf person sending me a picture of himself giving me the finger, I got zero subs. Zip. Nada. It was at that point that I kinda realized perhaps my contest was a little insensitive, even for the jackals. Or maybe just lame. I dunno.

But the show must go on! We have 5, count’em, 5 Hammer packs and while they do not contain actual hammers they do contain a Tapout shirt *insert double guitar 80s power chord* and some Hammer movie paraphernalia.

We’re now moving the contest on into SUDDEN VICTORY mode, and here’s how it works: Send in your imaginary answers to the these three completely fake questions about the life of Matt Hamill:

  • What magical gift was Matt Hamill rewarded with after saving the King of Cincinnati from bears?
  • What inspirational message did Matt’s great grand uncle leave on his pizza spelled out in pepperoni?
  • What was the name of the evil wrestling champion Matt Hamill sent back to another dimension?

Place your answers in the comments to this post or email them to me at news@fightlinker.com. Winners will be announced TOMORROW (Thursday noon) so get your entries in now! We wanna give you free stuff! And of course don’t forget to check out the Matt Hamill biopic, The Hammer, in select theatres now!

  • DJ ThunderElbows

    I’m incredibly happy to see you draw a steady paycheck; pity you are not forwarding it with the TapouT shirt for promotional fees.

    That said, those questions are funny and mighty tempting.  You are too good for this contest Hyan.

    First answer is obviously Deafness.

    If you wanna show the world a real contest – you need to front page the Jawsh/Subes bet for Cerrone/Diaz.  Social integration with your audience is the future or something.  I think I read it on Twitter.

  • Omomatta

    -He isn’t gifted you silly goose. he’s handicapped.
    -Trick question…..Matt Hamill can’t read
    -Shute

    Just send my prize pack to Jawshy since I’ve been neglecting him lately.

  • CAP

    1- A tomato (state fruit of ohio)
    2- You were adopted.
    C- Dirk Diggler

    I really need that shirt cuz the cat missed the litter box yesterday and I have some cleaning to do. Go ahead and put that Fightlinker shirt in there too from when I saved Strikeforce, I might actually wear that one.

  • glassjawsh

    it had nothing to do with the contest no one entered because the PRIZE is lame

    obviously I decline to enter, but I’ve brought matt along to answer these questions in his own words

    1. “UNGGGGGGGGGGG”
    2. “HYNARRRRRRRRRG”
    3. “derp”

  • DJ ThunderElbows

    Word, are you punishing my hatred of this TapouT shirt with denial of my FL shirt?  Or are you still irked that my life does not leave me enough time for a myforums button?

    Or are you irked that you thought I lived in Thailand instead of Manhattan?

  • frickshun

    1) Slow-mo punches that almost never connected. But when they do, they mush skin off bones.
    2) Remember who you are, Simba.
    3) Garrett Bailey

  • MadMan

    1. peanut butter & jelly sandwich

    2. beware the downward elbow…i always loved you most

    3. hillpillow record mudqueen (filipino wrecking machine)

  • Grappo

    haha i’d forgotten about this contest.  if it was any other shirt i’d probably have entered… which is funny because I have an old Iron Maiden shirt that looks almost identical minus the Tapout logo. 

     

    1. Brittany Houck’s vagina and butthole
    2. follow the path of other successful dumbasses.  learn to rassle.
    3. D’Areek Sooblotechnicus

    I want no prize for this.  you’ll want to give it to me, but I won’t accept it.

     

  • Crazyeyedkillah

    Hope i win this, i think those hammer packs are petty sweet

  • Garp

    What magical gift was Matt Hamill rewarded with after saving the King of Cincinnati from bears?
    The Autobiography of Larry Flynt (Book on Tape)

    What inspirational message did Matt’s great grand uncle leave on his pizza spelled out in pepperoni?
    You Should Be A Middleweight

    What was the name of the evil wrestling champion Matt Hamill sent back to another dimension?
    Macho Man Randy Savage (damn, that was sad)

  • Reverend Clint

    he has the ability to pleasure a woman at distance using ultronic vibration

    show me on the dolls where I touched you

    he sent chael sonnen to another dimension where he was forced to tell the truth

  • Shibo
    • What magical gift was Matt Hamill rewarded with after saving the King of Cincinnati from bears?

    A soft headed Tito Ortiz plush doll, with plush STDs.

     

    • What inspirational message did Matt’s great grand uncle leave on his pizza spelled out in pepperoni?

    “WOOOOOOOO” (He bit one into a W, the other ones already looked like O’s)

     

    • What was the name of the evil wrestling champion Matt Hamill sent back to another dimension?

    Tim Boetsch, who is now in the middleweight dimension.

  • OnlineRehab

    - The ability to pour A&W Root Beer from his right pointer finger, and the ability to clean any sock in the world by just putting it on.

    – It’s not the size of your pepperoni Matt, it’s how you use it.

    – The Sandusky Scissor

    How’s that?

  • fishead

    What magical gift was Matt Hamill rewarded with after saving the King of Cincinnati from bears?
    A pornographic work-print of Children of a Lesser God… with closed captioning.

    What inspirational message did Matt’s great grand uncle leave on his pizza spelled out in pepperoni?
    Don’t listen to the haters.

    What was the name of the evil wrestling champion Matt Hamill sent back to another dimension?
    He stole the hammer from Team Hammer House and sent Mark Coleman to hang out with John Bigbooté in the 8th Dimension.

  • AcadianBacon
    • What magical gift was Matt Hamill rewarded with after saving the King of Cincinnati from bears? “Thank you for saving me, Matt. From this point forward, you will see sounds as colors. This will help you cope in the world” “What the fuck is this guy saying, and why is there a rainbow pouring out of his face?”
    • What inspirational message did Matt’s great grand uncle leave on his pizza spelled out in pepperoni? “Don’t worry, Matt, there are plenty of deaf girls out there.”
    • What was the name of the evil wrestling champion Matt Hamill sent back to another dimension? “Hyperacusis Man”
  • iamphoenix

    What magical gift was Matt Hamill rewarded with after saving the King of Cincinnati from bears? 

    Trick question. There is no King of Cincinnati. Only a mayor like any other city in the United States of America. In America, there is a constitution and a pledge of allegiance which states that there shall be no kings, only appointed representatives of the people. The answer is a lifetime supply of jelly beans, Mike’s Hard Lemonade and the courts losing the paperwork that would have sent him to prison for rape, even though he signed “Just Kidding” with his hands.

    What inspirational message did Matt’s great grand uncle leave on his pizza spelled out in pepperoni?

    I wanted sausage.

    What was the name of the evil wrestling champion Matt Hamill sent back to another dimension?

    Matt Hamill.

     

     

    lol frick giggles

  • fightlinker

    some of these answers are so ofensivee

  • fightlinker

    good point re: middleweight tho

  • vanceller

    1) The right to escape Cincinnati by going to school in New York, while still having the right to walking out to “Hang on Sloopy” when fighting in Columbus. Cincinnati is basically Kentucky, and only claims Ohio for tax reasons. Sadly, part of this bargain forbid Matt from ever trying to take another opponent down for the rest of his career (Cincinnati is of course “The Queen City”, so that was no King – check the genitalia before signing any reward pact. Just sayin’).
    2) “Stop eating pizza – you are slow and stupid, so being built is your only hope. From now on, nothing but peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for you. Try your best to force others to make them for you, and use head injuries as an excuse for not making them yourself if necessary. Dear God, this is a large fucking pizza. Oh, and the Bengals suck because your owner is psycho.”
    3) Munoz, and the alternate dimension in question was “still relevant in the UFC despite being forced to knee myself in the face via head kick from a no-legged wrestler who is no longer even fighting”.
    4) President Hoover, that bitch.
    5) Yahtzee!

  • Carcass

    I would have guessed that the lack of entries is related to the fact that Matt Hamill is, even according to his training partners, an utter cunt and why anyone would watch a movie about him is beyond me.

    Also, how does being deaf affect your ability to wrestle? He ain’t exactly Kyle Maynard.

  • Letibleu

    I think this sums up how much people love Jason Hamilled and how much the products in this prize pack are adored. 

    This will be easy to win:

     

    1: What is a cincinnati (a type of cat?) and why were bears attacking it? Furthermore, why did a deaf wrestler want to save a cincinnati from a bunch of bears?

     

    2:, easy one.. R E T I R E. He cut the pepperoni into letters

     

    3: Dimensions? Metric, imperial. WTF? I need to know what to calculate with to tell you the correct answer. If I do Canadian math the answer is 42. 42 to all the questions. Can’t top that, I win.

     

  • DJ ThunderElbows

    42.  Win.

  • CAP

    This prize pack is offensive.

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