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The IFL is a few sides short of a hex, if you know what I mean

(the Hex, as envisioned by Jay Larkin’s 13 year old son. See the full image here. It’s lame-tastic!)

Sometimes social etiquette prevents you from calling things the way they are. I once had a girlfriend who was dumber than a bag of rocks. She was pretty capable with her maths and such but she’d often do things that made me wonder if the hampster powering her brain had fallen off it’s wheel or died. Of course, you’re not allowed to talk about how dumb the girl you’re dating is … people consider that rude and sexist, no matter how true it might be in any specific case.

Such is life even in the MMA news scene … people given access are expected to play by similar rules of social etiquette when ‘reporting’ on the doings of promotions. So when the IFL announced during a conference call today that their big promotion saving change was the creation of a new six sided ring called “The Hex”, no one followed up with “What, are you fucking kidding me? Because that’s fucking stupid.”

Yes, just like that former girlfriend, the guys running the IFL must have forgotten to pay the brain bill because this has to be the most idiotic thing I’ve ever heard. It just goes to show you that they have no idea what the fuck they’re doing, and what’s worse: they don’t know how to hide the fact anymore that they don’t know what the fuck they’re doing.

Now I don’t really have anything against 6 sided rings, but when half the population was betting today’s conference call was to announce the IFL shutting down, you don’t want to haul out a stupid gimmick and go “TADA!” That’s like having cancer but making a big deal about saving a bunch on car insurance through Geico.

Anyways, I’m gonna try and cut the IFL guys a bit of slack because they seem to be lost somewhere in the five stages of grief over the realization the IFL is nearly dead:

  1. Denial (this isn’t happening to me!)
  2. Anger (why is this happening to me?)
  3. Bargaining (I promise I’ll be a better person if…)
  4. Depression (I don’t care anymore)
  5. Acceptance (I’m ready for whatever comes)

I’m not sure if Jay Larkin’s recent comments about MMA sucking were ‘Anger’ or ‘Depression’ … I’m going to guess anger since this new ring thing reeks of ‘Bargaining’ … “We promise you with this new ring everything will be better”. Of course, you can’t bargain with the big bad grim reaper of MMA promotions. He takes no prisoners, and the IFL’s time is very nearly up.

  • kentyman

    6. ??? (six-sided ring)
    7. Profit! (or bankruptcy)

  • CagePotato

    If I was Dan Miragliotta, I’d be *pissed* that those fuckers photoshopped my body into that six-sided abortion.

  • Spork

    It could be worse, they could have adopted a yamma like pit.

  • x5BoltMainx

    Geico…there’s no “k” :P

  • x5BoltMainx

    I just saw the pic “supersized” and holy shiznit. That looks fucking ghetto. Who did they hire to do design that turd sandwhich?

  • iamphoenix

    larkins 13 year old son designed that turd sandwhich. he’s got mad photoshop skills at 13 years old…

  • koolpaw

    First of all, Old SHOOTO used Octagon ring at the begining. Second of all, Hook n Shoot has been already using Hexagon ring.

    So this is not so new, if you know what I mean.

  • EdenMachine

    Come on everyone knows that adding two sides to the ring is like turning your guitar amp up to 12. The more you add – the better is it. See – UFC is up to 8 already. Once IFL is up to 8 then they’ll be just as good as the UFC.

  • Alex

    The hexagon is nature’s most efficient shape. Using it as a fighting arena results in swifter beatdowns. Science, bitches

  • kentyman

    I like round cages. Why pick an arbitrary number of sides when you can “infinite sides”?

  • Tony Spilotro

    Did Jay Larkin’s 13 year old son come up with this ring after watching some wacky wrestling on Spike?

    Too bad IFL couldnt learn from TNA, because adding more sides to to your ring just adds more lameness to your product.

    Adding Dan Miragliotta does not make it cool either.

  • Royal, King of Monsters


    Is like….everyone trying to rip off AAA Lucha Libre?

  • Hattori Hanzo Gracie

    Lucha Libre rules fyi.. The HEX, what a joke… IFL needs to stop with all the gimmicks and hijinks and just get a better roster of fighters.. WOW what a novel concept.

  • Tommy

    Fucking sensitive Canadians. Here in the US we beat our women and call them idiots everyday. Keeps them from getting out of line and makes sure they know and remember their place.

  • Realmmaanalyst

    ROFLMAO at the irony of you saying your ex GF was as dumb as a bag of rocks and then spelling hamster “hampster”. Granted, she mustn’t have been very bright dating an ugly mofo like you.

  • Lifer

    fairly sure that pride used the first six sided ring. that’s the earliest that i know of… during their ‘best of pride’ series or whatever the hell it was called. rory singer fought in it.

  • kentyman

    Everyone knows that bags of rocks can’t spell various types of rodents…