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The ugly face of MMA ‘news’

I thought I’d take a few moments to shed some light on the mystery of who brings you your daily dose of MMA.

Luke Thomas – Bloody Elbow
The goat makes him look like a Slayer fan.

Sam Caplan – CBS Sportsline / Five Ounces of Pain / MMAJunkie
Easily the most intimidating of the bunch. Possibly related to Karo Parisyan.

Denny Burkholder – CBS Sportsline
Looks like a pineapple with a face. Ten points for equal hair distribution between his head and chin.

Gregg Doyel – CBS Sportsline
If Luke Thomas was a metrosexual, this is what he’d look like. He’d also be called Lukke Thomas.

Loretta Hunt – The Fight Network
One of the hot ones … word is UFC guys think she’s queen bitch. Scores a 500 on the tap-o-meter. Possibly related to Helen Hunt.

Erin Bucknell - Fight Opinion
Loretta beats Erin on the tap-o-meter but only because this pic may be 10+ years old. Here’s hoping Erin challenges Loretta to jello wrestling for hottest MMA reporter cred.

Jeff Thaler - Fight Opinion
After listening to Fight Opinion Radio, I figured Jeff was a 90 pound geek. Now I wanna see a fight between him and Sam Caplan.

Jeff Sherwood - Sherdog
When it comes to making fun of Jeff, many people go the ‘Jeff is fat’ route. Me, I prefer to hit on the ‘Nice Fu Manchu, bud’ route. But there’s no denying it suites him as Emperor of MMA websites.

Josh Gross - Sherdog
The glans (Latin for “acorn”, because the glans of a penis often looks like an acorn popping out of its cap) is a structure internally composed of corpus spongiosum in males or of corpus cavernosa and vestibular tissue in females that is located at the tip of homologous genital structures involved in sexual arousal.

Jordan Breen - Sherdog
You might think Jordan’s emo because of his dumb hair, but that’s just what the wind does to hair out in Nova Scotia.

TJ de Santos - Sherdog
I don’t know why people put bad pictures of themselves up on Myspace. TJ needs to learn a few self-photography tricks from Jordan Breen. In this picture he looks like MMA’s answer to Barney Rubble.

Dann Stupp - MMAJunkie
Dann looks exactly like my boss. I’m not saying anything bad in case he actually *is* my boss.

Jesse Holland - UFCMania
If Jeremy Horn and Dana White had a baby, he would be named Jesse Holland.

Ryan Harkness – Fightlinker
Sorry ladies, he’s taken.

Jacob Fortin – Fightlinker
Sorry ladies, he’s gay.

  • intenso

    wow, spot on with Jesse Holland.

  • cyphron

    If I see Sam Caplan in a dark alley, I may just run the other way…

    Ryan, I don’t believe for one second that’s you. You’re much better looking in your comics.

  • Wu Tang

    Jacob Fortin IS HOT! Even better is that you can not follow whats hes lookin at!

    Jeff Sherwood FU MAN CHU!!! Can i get an egg-roll with pork fried rice and chicken wings? DO NOT FORGET THE HOT SAUCE!

    Who wouldnt kick it to L. Hunt? She is cute, notice i said kick not bang, she may have a bitch shield, but only a few can make a connection to her…. UFC guys can build that? i dont think so… hmmm.. Maybe Jacob can seduce her…hmmmmmm

  • maafaka

    by the way its “gland” not “glans”…but either one suits that dickhead


    Another awesome post. I wonder what some of the other writers out there looked like so major props on rounding up the pictures. I would say yours was the most surprising though you seem to remind me of someone…


    By the way Sam didn’t even look the same imo in his appearance on the Elite XC preview show. Maybe it’s the shirt that made the difference.

  • fightlinker

    i just can’t stop looking at da nipples

  • Wu Tang

    He needs a tan… and get rid of all his hair.

  • Jonathan

    Where is Zach Arnold

  • E

    Doyel’s Sportsline picture is either incredibly old or he lost a shitload of weight and glued some hair onto his dome specifically for that picture. He looked significantly fatter, balder, and uglier on the EliteXC preview show.

    I’ll echo Jonathan and wonder if you can dig up a picture of Arnold: I’m sure if you dig through weird underground Japanese forums full of porn without penetration that eventually you’ll find a picture of FightOpinion’s angry ring leader with someone from the Japanese fight scene that no one knows or gives two shits about other than Breen.

  • fightlinker

    Zach is a ghost – there’s just no pictures of the guy out there. Really, I didn’t dig that hard to turn up these pics … I didn’t want to ‘out’ anyone who didn’t want to be known. If you couldn’t find them via myspace / facebook / google then I didn’t include them.

    I’m interested to see if anyone can find real pictures of me … god knows, there’s probably around 200-500 pics out there.

  • Wu Tang

    I found a forum on mysapce that talks about a Ryan Harkness… But its little girls…

    I found Jacobs site on myspace, the goodathiest or something.

    Jacobs personal page?:

    Can this be you Ryan?:

    Also found a Ryan from Cananada who likes Zombies:

    Am i close?

  • Luke

    Nice find…

  • Luke

    BTW – you couldn’t throw me a bone and use a pic where I look remotely human?

  • Jordan Breen

    You didn’t use one of the Lee Hotti pictures of me? W. sauce.

  • UFCmania

    Man I can’t stop laughing — my side hurts …. Good shit.

  • Matt

    Gregg Doyle looks like that wierdo that hosted that gameshow on ESPN where you compete in wierd shit and get the hell beat out of you for somebody in your family. Also where is Kirik?

  • Kenny the Swede

    Jesse Holland is the best writer of the bunch. You should get him to do some stuff for this site.

  • Dann

    You’re soooooo fired.

  • kentyman

    Karo Parisyan? More like Dave Attell.

  • penxv

    It has been my lifelong dream to pose for a romance novel on the back of a white stallion with my hair blowing in the wind.

    Fabio is the shit!!!

  • kentyman

    #4, it’s definitively glans, not gland:

  • matt

    The hairdos of the sherdog dudes are the worst.

  • matt

    Luke, no matter the facial hair-do, you’ve still got the “crazy eyes” in every pic.

  • ajadoniz

    very good stuff. is your hair really that long?

  • Adam

    Incredible post, Fightlinker. Luke looks like exactly like a good friend of mine from college. Spot on.

  • Erin

    You hook up Arlvoski vs GSP jello wrestling and I’ll challenge Loretta to one.

    And you’ll never find a picture of Zach Arnold. I co-host a damn radio show with him and other than a general description that I weaseled out of him, I don’t even know what he looks like.

  • Tommy

    I always did figure Jesse would be a normal ‘looking’ guy. Why none of mania?

  • Denny Burkholder

    I don’t know what’s creepier: These photos, or the idea that some random dude on the internet saved my crappy mug shot to his hard drive.

    Yeah, it’s the photos. But the other thing is a close second.

  • garth

    hey, my blog gets almost two visitors a day, how come i wasn’t featured with all the intertubes powers of MMA?

  • fightlinker

    I was kinda tipsy and couldn’t remember UFCMania’s name. I’ve heard it before, but it’s eludes me for the past two weeks. He’s almost as good at hiding his identity as Zach is.

  • Tommy

    I’m pretty sure mania’s name is Tom.

  • UFCmania

    My name is Tom. Good luck.


    you motherfucker you left me out? psh

    anyway sorry to shit on your parade but thats not Gross. I mean, Josh that is… hes more human looking than that.

  • fightlinker

    It’s Gross. I have other pics of him but I wanted to pick the worst ;-)


    wow well he looks different since he started sporting some facial hair…


    Not sure how often you check your email but I sent you one. Just a heads up

  • Jesse Holland

    Ha…that’s nothing…you should see my driver’s license photo…I look like Darth Vader after he took his mask off at the end of ROTJ…

  • Jake

    That fat bastard…you’ll pay for putting my pic from special ed class….

  • jazzn

    Dann MMA junkie = Drew Carey

  • fightlinker

    Wu Tang found me and Jake … good on ya buddy :-) Now find us Zach Arnold and Tom Myers


    so you gonna do a second round?

    i should have gotten a pic of Tom Gerbasi this weekend, he was gloating you didn’t have pics of him ;)

  • fightlinker

    I saw a pic of Gerbasi … i just forgot who he was when I was putting the post together! Damn alcohol. The idea that the official freelance writer for the UFC reads this blog is crazy. Next thing you know, I’ll find out Dana et al are lurking around here too :-p


    I think Tom may be a secret fan ;)

    (Dude, shoot me an email I want to ask you something, fomeditor at

  • mike

    denny looks like one of the guys from guess who? the boardgame