Thiago Silva admits all, pee tests about to get more personal

After totally getting busted for using funny pee, Thiago Silva has come forward and admitted he was trying to get around the NSAC’s testing procedures:

“We make decisions every day of our lives,” Silva stated. “Some are good and some are bad. When you make a bad decision, you can either make the situation worse by trying to cover it up or lie about it or just stick your head in the sand and refuse to acknowledge it even happened, or you can own up to it with an honest explanation, accept the consequences of your actions, apologize to the people affected by it, learn from it and move on. I’m choosing the second option.

Strange, I could have sworn he already tried the cover up / deny / head in sand thing. It was working pretty well for him right up until the NSAC finally confirmed that his urine sample was bogus. And what a coincidence that Thiago stepped forward now to choose that oh so noble second option.

“I used a urine adulterant when giving a sample following my fight with Brandon Vera,” Silva said. “I did so in an attempt to alter the results of the test and knowingly broke the rules of the Nevada Athletic Commission. This was a terrible decision on my part for which I will be punished. I am prepared to accept this punishment, learn from it and move on. I apologize to the Commission, the UFC, Brandon Vera and the MMA fans.”

As for why he tampered with his test samples, it comes down to his messed up back:

“I re-injured my back 45 days before the fight with Brandon Vera. After not fighting for a year, I made the decision to not pull out of the fight. I also decided that the only way I could continue with the fight was to take injections in my back and spine that contained substances prohibited by the Nevada Athletic Commission. I also made the decision to use a product to hide the presence of these substances in a urine test.”

Meanwhile, Thiago’s cheating may have further reaching consequences for anyone fighting in Nevada. The commission is taking a “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me” approach to getting fake pee, and will now look extra close when fighters are giving their urine samples. And based on how close they used to look before, things could be getting a whole lot pervier:

Kizer said Randleman’s deception began with the collection of his sample. “What he did was he grabbed the inner-thigh of his shorts, kind of pulled it open, stuck out what we thought was the tip of his penis – it was the same color as the rest of his skin – and then urinated in the cup and gave it to our inspector,” he said.

“It might be a situation where inspectors have to go really close and look,” Kizer said.

Just the tip? Just the tip?? From now on, Kizer should insist upon complete exposure of shaft and balls. And why stop there? Why not have those usher guys get their grab on to check the scrotal area for straps or bags. A good tug perhaps, to make sure the penis they’re looking at is firmly connected to the athlete’s body? Ooooor we could stop dicking around with urine (literally) and move onto blood.

  • agentsmith

    “The inner thigh of his shorts”?  I guess they just presumed he had a really long dick.  You know, cause he’s black and such.

    The NSAC should have someone whose sole responsibility is to check that the urine-providing dicks are real.  They could use visual inspection, taste/smell tests, whatever’s necessary to confirm the validity of the dick in question.  I figure they’ll need someone who has extensive, close-range experience with a wide variety of dicks.  Like a certain ex-pornstar, for example.

  • CAP

    ^Tito’s gonna need a job soon!

    They’re all doping.

  • G Funk

    Dude no way Chee-ah-go said or wrote those two paragraphs in any language…Cause he’s dumb.

  • Symbul

    That description of Randleman’s hijinks is just precious.

  • 7th Offensive

    I’m gonna man up and tell the truth… after the results are published, but not before.

    Sad, I was looking forward to him putting on a run, but much like fail sonnen, we have no way of knowing how much of him was in the cage and how much was the drugs.

  • Reverend Clint

    i was thinking the same thing g

  • agentsmith

    I notice he doesn’t say what those “substances” that he injected in his back were… painkillers, steroids, or both?

  • Reverend Clint

    he injected stem cells of babies into his back

  • iamphoenix

    new urine testing procedure’s right here as demonstrated by this cop

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2eZSKen1Vgc

  • scissors61

    Dude no way Chee-ah-go said or wrote those two paragraphs in any language…Cause he’s dumb.

    Hey, at least he’s smart enough to let a lawyer/publicist draft his statement. I would do the same thing.

     

  • Reverend Clint

    i wonder which model cyborg uses?

  • G Funk

    Fucking phoenix FTW!

  • Letibleu

    Let Volds monitor the penis extraction process. He comes across as a seasoned expert.

     

  • G Funk

    ^ Jesus how many animals roam dickless cause of those peoples fucked up delicacies!

  • Grappo

    lol, those are spoon worms

  • frickshun

    ^^Whatever they are, I didn’t want my wife to know anything could get that big…..

  • Letibleu

    Interesting that you know what spoon worms are by sight. I was torn between a picture of a spoon worm or a gooey duck (looked at from the correct angle).

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003406040131 Waled

    lol. Now your a joke. You go from this fight to talking about Tyson. Your peaitthc. 4 rounds to 1? Sonnen still lost the fight. BY EVERYONES LOGIC! He quit. You cant honestly believe Chael is a better fighter than Silva? You just like him. Anderson in ranked ahead of fighter’s like GSP, Cain, Dos Santos, BJ Penn . Sonnen has never and probably never will be in the top 10 pound for pound. I suppose yahoo, sherdog and the majority of the UFC are wrong? Try again.

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