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Things That Suck: Tim Sylvia vs. Ray Mercer Rumored

Tim Sylvia has had a bit of a rough go lately. After finally getting his chance to prove he was near the top of the heavyweight division and ultimately beating the shit out Minotauro Nogueira for nearly three rounds, Sylvia got caught in one of those pesky guillotine chokes. Then he made a ballsy decision and fought Fedor, only to get pummeled in 36 seconds. He made $800,000 for it, but no amount of money can heal the mental anguish suffered by such a devastating loss (yes it can).

It’s only natural that Sylvia would take a slight step down in competition in order to both regain his confidence and work his way back up towards the top. Who would be a suitable opponent, you ask? Brad Imes? Roy Nelson? Bobby Lashley? How about Ray Fucking Mercer.

Yeah, I know. That’s the same reaction I had. Go ahead. Wave your hands up and down and shake your head. I’ll wait.

This is a nonsense fight for a handful of reasons. Sam Caplan tries to argue that Mercer “poses a unique threat to Sylvia” because he won a Gold medal in boxing back in 1988. To put that in perspective, here are other things that describe 1988:

- Ronald Reagan was still President

- movie tickets cost $3.50

- crack epidemic in full force

- Crocodile Dundee II was in theaters

- first major computer virus

- George Michael had a musical career

- gallon of gas costs $0.90

To make matters worse, Mercer’s only MMA experience is getting choked out by Kimbo in the first round. This is the second rumored opponent for Sylvia recently, as there was talk of putting him in a fight with Ken Shamrock. WHAT. THE. FUCK.