twitter google

Things to do with balance balls that aren’t gay

I used to think that balance balls (also known as yoga balls, bitch balls, and homo gym equipment) weren’t much use for MMA. The only reason I liked em is because the girls at my local gym would always have their boobs hanging out whenever they were doing anything on them. So when Hywel Teague asked me to post a video on my blog relating to a balance ball, I was a bit hesitant. After all, I like Hywel, but his rack is nothing to write home about.

But then I actually took the time to watch the video and it blew my mind. I’m still in the thick of jiu-jitsu at the moment and I only recently started to gain balance when on top of guys. This looks like a great way to improve that and transitions.

I tried to do what Hywel Teague did with his balance ball and nearly put my foot through my television set. Which would have been bad, since it’s actually my ex-girlfriend’s television set. And although I would have probably pretended to be all like “That’s what you get, I was so angry I kicked your TV in”, I’m not really hardcore like that and I would have felt kinda bad about it.

  • dan

    i was waiting for him to stand on top of the ball and run the length of the mat

  • CagePotato

    That reminded me of this.

  • Captain

    I couldn’t understand some of the words coming out of his mouth, so he might’ve mentioned this, but here’s Frank Shamrock training with a balance ball and a medicine ball.

    And that link above is getting blocked by my work’s internet filter.

  • CagePotato

    @ Captain:

    Ah, it’s just a group of black teenagers running a train on an ottoman. No biggie.

  • fightlinker

    People are weird

  • Luke Thomas

    FL – it sounds like you’re trying to work on your 3-point pressure technique. That takes a long time to master, but instead of using a balance ball you should be using a medicine ball.

  • Hywel Teague [Fighters Only Magazine]

    I can stand and bounce around a bit as well. Always freaks people out when you start shadow boxing on the ball lol

    Captain, you probably couldn’t hear me because my coach was talking very loudly to some fighters in the cage just over to the right of camera.

    Also I speak proper English, not the bastardised (no ‘z’ bitches, and that’s a zed, not a zee) version you North Americanians speak.

  • Jemaleddin

    You may speak proper English, but it still looked a bit gay. It’s the same problem with being good at juggling or yo-yos or whatever: everybody knows that in order to get good at it, you spent way too many hours alone with the ball. Hours that we spent scoring with supermodels.*

    * Or playing Halo. And eating Pringles.

  • fightlinker

    I freaking love pringles.

  • Atom

    I agree w/ #8.

    Don’t come to a blog written by a North American, frequented primarily by North Americans, and tell them they don’t talk good.

    And FL- that was a horrible title for this post, b/c I don’t think you were being sarcastic!

  • natureboy

    CagePotato, that shit was awesome.

  • Jemaleddin

    As a post-script: not that what you’re doing might not be totally helpful and important. I’m just saying that humping a ball is always going to be a little suspect, right?

    It’s like how you never see dudes using that inner thigh muscle machine at the gym: maybe you’re a downhill skier and you need to work that out, but you’re not doing it in a room full of people.

  • Mike O

    i thought this was a pretty cool agility exercise – I would do this except it looks to the untrained eye like you are just fucking around all graceful with a ball.

  • fightlinker

    Trust me on this: you end up on your face and the ball ends up 20 feet away. And everyone laughs at you.

  • Jemaleddin

    But that’s exactly the point: it takes a long time to master something like that: hours and hours of ball humping to become proficient. Hours that could have been spent earning enough money to buy a few hours of Edith’s time and the sugar cubes you give her afterwards.

  • Hywel Teague [Fighters Only Magazine]

    lol It does look like I’m fucking the ball at times, but my base is insane right now and people rarely get clean sweeps on me, plus the pressure from my hips when I’m running round side control-north south-side control is very strong.

    it doesn’t take long to learn how to roll with the ball, but it does to look as good as me ;) but remember I’ve been doing this shit for 5 years now

  • Jemaleddin

    SEE?! SEE?! That’s five years you could have devoted to worthwhile goals like ending hunger or banning land mines or sleeping with every girl in your town with a lazy eye! You know, important stuff!

    (It looks like you know that we’re just screwing with you because we’re pathetic losers, but in case you don’t, we are.)

  • fightlinker

    the bastard’s got a job in the fight industry that probably serves him more poon than mcdonalds serves hamburgers. Check this out:

    I hate him for this and my new plan is to kill him and replace him. But first i must get good at this rolly-ball thing otherwise my cover will be blown the first time I hit the gym with ‘me mates’

  • Jemaleddin

    Yeah, but you get all the O’Henry bars you can eat.

  • shanaconda

    nobody wants to comment that although it may have been a great BJJ competition it was also the Gay=Est squeeze ball session ever. practically 70s Porn Gay!

  • shanaconda

    nobody wants to comment that although it may have been a great BJJ simulation it was also the Gay=Est squeeze ball session ever. practically 70s Porn Gay!

  • Jemaleddin

    Oh My Fucking God: there’s the best idea for a FightLinker contest ever! Who can make the gayest yoga ball video! This could be legend!

    In the off chance that you actually do it, and that the winner gets tickets to the UFC in Montreal, I’m going to start work NOW. Come here, you sexy little ball, Papa’s got something for you…

  • operator

    I don’t think it looked like he was trying to hump the ball I think it looked like he was trying to convince the ball to hump him. I do agree that you would need alot of space in your house or an area in a gym to do these workouts. If you tried to do that workout in the back yard the neighbours would probly call the cops.

  • Hywel Teague [Fighters Only Magazine]

    I could easily make a gayer video than all of you…

  • MacDaddy

    Here’s some video of me rolling with the ball:

  • fightlinker

    goddamn. That shit’s impressive

  • Captain

    Hywel: It was the background noise that made it hard to hear. Your accent is not even that thick. Now Paul Kelly on the other hand… Plus I had to mute the video when that music really got going. A little too much for me.

  • Jemaleddin

    @Hywel: Care to put your financial resources and MMA connections where your mouth is? I smell an official Fighters Only-sponsored FightLinker Gayest Balls Video Contest.

  • Hywel Teague [Fighters Only Magazine]

    Captain: I am aware of the background noise problem… You see my coach was over by the cage working with some fighters who were sparring, and he has officially the LOUDEST voice in UK MMA, and I may even hazard the entire WORLD. It is ridiculous. RIDICULOUS. so ridiculous it deserves CAPS, lot of CAPS!

    Jemladdin, not going to happen unfortunately… However, please feel free to submit your entries / feature ideas / feedback / hatemail to me at