We haven’t heard much from THQ about a new UFC game since they announced that they wouldn’t be scamming fans for money every year releasing annual editions of the sports game. But today they opened the floodgates on news for next year’s edition, detailing a bunch of the new features they hope will make you upgrade from Undisputed 2010. Here’s what they’re dangling:
PRIDE Mode: Footstomps, soccer kicks, knees to the ground and the return of Bas Rutten and Steven Quadros! PRIDE style entrances will also be included, but if they don’t include Screaming Pride Lady and diapered PRIDE execs banging on giant drums I plan on suing for false advertising.
Simplified controls: The reason I never play Undisputed is it takes a good five hours of playing it to stop sucking, and then if you the game down for a few weeks you have to relearn everything all over again. So THQ has added in an alternate control mode where it no longer requires you to perform a precise series of trigonometrically correct analog stick movements to make your fighter move.
Tutorial mode that hopefully doesn’t suck: Whoever wrote the tutorial modes for UFC 2009 and 2010 were lucky they didn’t work at THQ Montreal’s office because I showed up there with a baseball bat ready to beat their fucking skulls in. They obviously never used the gooey brainsauce inside, so what would have been the loss? But yeah, to say the tutorial modes in past UFC games ‘suck’ would be akin to saying black holes ‘suck': it’s a slight understatement. This edition promises pop up notifications during matches that explain what you can do and how to do it.
‘No Flash knockout’ mode: For those who get annoyed with the way knockouts happened randomly all the time for no apparent reason.
But what I’m most excited about is the apparent death of ‘the Shine’, that retarded submission system that boiled down the universe of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu into rapidly wanking your controller’s analog stick off. Here’s how they describe the replacement:
Now it’s a sort of cat-and-mouse minigame where an octagon image pops up onscreen with red and blue lines on the perimeter of it. Basically, the player being submitted has to outrun the one doing the submitting, with each player represented by their red or blue line that they can move around the perimeter of the octagon with the analog stick. It sounds a little bizarre, but there is a logic to it: the size of your line is affected by various factors, such as how fatigued you are, whether you’ve rushed into a submission prematurely, and the general effectiveness of a certain hold. So if you’ve ground-and-pounded for a solid 20 seconds and your attacker immediately goes into a submission, his line will be substantially bigger than if he’d rushed into a hold, making it easier for him to chase you down in the minigame and thus cause a tapout.
Honestly, they could have called it a day after changed the submission system and I’d have been happy. But considering UFC Undisputed 2010 was basically UFC Undisputed 2009 with Kimbo Slice, it’s nice to see they’re actually adding more stuff to the game. Whether it ends up being more fun than the past, chore-like entries remains to be seen.