Hey kids, are you sick and tired of having too much money in the bank? Do you think that your personal doubts aren’t caused by low self esteem and chemical imbalances, but are rather the result of the floating spirits of long deceased aliens? Are you also a fucking moron? If you are, then you should join Scientology, and watch as your bank account, your smarts, and your sanity melt away! So come join Tito Ortiz as he contemplates introducing you to a religion started by one of the worst Science Fiction writers of all time.
If you haven’t already heard, Tito confessed having “investigated” Scientology in an interview with Howard Stern, and was considering joining up. Scientology is essentially a religion for rich people looking to get quickly into the poorhouse, all the while boasting about how “clear” they are. In a way, it’s a match made in heaven. Most celebrities are soulless morons who have no idea what the fuck spirituality is, but they’re so desperate for it that they’re willing to try and purchase some. And since a lot of these fucking bloated sacks of uselessness have more money than God, creating an organization where you literally PAY to become more enlightened is perfect.
If by now you’re still a Tito fan, keep in mind that it’s starting to look as though Dana White is 100% right about this clown; he wants to be a celebrity more than he wants to be a fighter, and Scientology is THE place to be if that’s your game. It’s also (if you’re greedy and amoral enough) a great way to make lots of cash. Basically, members are encouraged to seek out other “church” members, and you get a percentage of the money they dish out for auditing. How much is an audit you ask? Scientologists use a sliding scale so as to be able to bilk the rich and poor equally, but it can go as high as 1 million dollars.
Would Tito stoop so low as to enlist his fans to join this piece of shit cult? Who knows. He seems intent on losing money by trying to create his own fight promotion company, and no doubt has even greater and more expensive ambitions. Using his fading celebrity status to open up a religious franchise business isn’t the dirtiest thing he’s ever done. I believe that honor goes to the cock gremlin with a diseased womb currently trying to breed with him.