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TUF Shit… episode tadpole beta gargoyle

The screen is black. A low, powerful powerchord can be heard beginning to chunk out of the speakers. Then there is a moan and a donkey bray, then the screen shatters into a ka-zillion pieces just as Livin’ On A Prayer begins playing.

There is a shot of a volcano exploding, showering red, white and blue sparks all over a huge island. The camera zooms out over the island to reveal that it is shaped like Lorenzo Fertitta’s beard. Quick zoom out even further giving most of the audience a severe case of vertigo to reveal the Earth in the shape of Lorenzo’s face. The moon swings across the screen with Dana White’s grinning visage recreated out of a pale, cheesey kind of material. It crashes into the Earth which explodes just as Bon Jovi really starts to get going.

The words “Fight” and “Warrior” and “Girth” slam into the screen repeatedly in time with the music. The camera is flying behind a man on a horse galloping across the countryside. Quick cut to a montage showing a gloved fist crashing into a nose, a knee crunching into a temple, and a hoofed foot stamping on a bee twice. Zoom closer to the man on a horse and it is Dana White, naked, holding a spear…

Read the rest at Martial Farts!

  • Did Keith Jardine wake up yet?

    Whatever, I just can’t wait till next season to see Guida’s older Bro fight on TUF, should be rule.

  • Geoffr0y

    Ha Ha! Respect. Tuf Shit gets me lol’ing every time. Nice work Mr. Supercrap.

  • Dangerfield

    I didnt think it was as funny the second time.

  • supercrap

    It has its moments. This isn’t a precise science!

  • Carcass

    More observational last time (Dana going ‘fuck’ then ‘WARRIOR!’) :D

  • supercrap

    I must admit I really nailed it better in the previous one. This one came out sideways before splashing down… It’s time like these I like to remember that great poet and philosopher Yazz, and yell “the only way is UP!” while pumping my fist in the air.

  • Immak

    Is it just me that doesn’t “get it?”
    I want to think that it’s because I’m a TUF fanboy and clearly “lolbiased” or something generic like that, but the only season I’ve ever watched is the first one, so I’m not sure how well that argument would hold up.

    I know that humor is lost once jokes are explained, but… anyone care to explain?

  • supercrap

    If it doesn’t make you laugh then move along!
    I just got so bored of this season that I made up something much more entertaining in my head.
    Do you get Real Ultimate Power?

  • kentyman
  • Immak

    Sure, I “get” real ultimate power, as much as one can get the randomness that it is. I just kind of figured that, using the TUF name and all of that, there had to be at least some link to the series itself as opposed to the “characters.”

    Knowing that there’s really no point or anything, I’ll gladly steer clear from now on though. I can understand and appreciate that certain humor isn’t for everyone. I happen to be of the opinion that randomness != funny, but am probably in the minority on this.

    Anyway, welcome to FL.

  • supercrap

    There were some actual observations buried in there, too… somewhere… I think.

  • kentyman

    Yep, here’s one:

    “Jesse Taylor won in the end via him being the only one awake in the gym.”

    Keep it up, Pants, I like it

  • fightlinker

    I love these so much. I will never get tired of them. The Lorenzo beard thing had me laughing my ass off