ANDERSON SILVA VS VITOR BELFORT
fightlinker: In the slums of Brazil, gangsters are betting herds of child prostitutes on this fight. I have to imagine the ones cheering for Vitor beat theirs less. Plus Vitor hasn’t been fighting like a giant cocksmith for the past 3 years. Vitor Belfort via TKO R2
scissors61: Vitor Belfort is not a roided-up felon with awesome wrestling and nasty bacne like the last guy Silva fought. But neither is he the man who will go home with the belt on Saturday as Anderson Silva notches a hype-restoring second-round TKO to retain the championship.
Reverend Clint: Will really old/really new Vitor show up and blast Anderson back in time? Or will the bad ass Anderson that broke noses and made men cry show up? Allah help us all if shitty Belfort and boring Anderson show up at the same time. Somewhere Kalib Starnes will say “It happens to the best of us!” Anderson Silva via So You Think You Can Dance
Grappo: My love for Vitor is boundless, but he’s not at Silva’s level. Depending on which Spider shows up, Anderson Silva KOs in the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th or 5th.
Rodriguez: There’s a game us predictors play. We look at correct guesses and say “Psh, you took the safe route, I’m soooo impressed…NOT!” Then we look at incorrect guesses and say “What an idiot, you’re the new Tomas Rios.” Since you can’t win anyway, screw it! Vitor Belfort by TKO in round 1.
dulljake: Silva’s been fighting scrubs, and if Vitor can bring his A game, I think he can be enough of an aggressor to win. I think everyone is going to lose their fucking minds when Anderson finally falls, and if anyone at 185 can do it, it’s Belfort-Prime. Vitor Belfort via Decision
FORREST GRIFFIN VS RICH FRANKLIN
Fightlinker: Forrest Griffin just wrote his second book while Rich Franklin watched Cyborg Soldier once and decided he better not quit his day job. Rich Franklin via stiff breeze knocking Griffin out in R3.
scissors61: Rich Franklin really does look like Jim Carrey, while Forrest Griffin just wishes he looked like Michael C. Hall. As consolation for losing the celebrity doppelganger contest Forrest Griffin takes a decision and gives an overly-emotional victory speech while that one guy in the do-rag cheers him on. Who is that fuckin’ guy?
Grappo: This is going to be a nasty fight ending with an unconscious (possibly arm-flailing) Griffin. Rich Franklin by KO.
Rodriguez: Layoffs are a killer in MMA. A guy can’t have a 15 month gap between fights and expect to be at the top of his game. Forrest will get rid of some of that ring rust by having it knocked off courtesy of a Rich Franklin right hook. Rich Franklin by TKO in round 1.
dulljake: Forrest hasn’t been the same since the Silva fight; he’s been too busy promoting his book and generally being absent from the MMA scene to be worthy of mention. Franklin, on the other hand, still seems to have that post-coital glow from wrecking Chuck Liddell. Rich Franklin via knockout in Rd3
CARLOS EDUARDO ROCHA VS JAKE ELLENBERGER
Fightlinker: Watching Carlos freaking Condit go fetal after one Ellenberger punch to the grill was enough to make me a believer. Rocha might be a secret jitz master from the future, but it won’t save him on the feet. Jake Ellenberger via KO R1
scissors61: Who the fuck is Carlos Eduardo Rocha? No, seriously, who the fuck is he? Ellenberger by TKO in the first round.
Reverend Clint: Rocha choked out a shitty TUF fighter while Jake has actually fought people. I’m gonna go with Jake Ellenberger via TKO rd 1
Grappo: I’ve got high hopes for Rocha, but this isn’t the fight for him at this point. Jake is going to beast him. Jake Ellenberger by TKO.
Rodriguez: Ellenberger is like the Shane Stant of MMA. A guy could be going along in their career thinking they aight, that they got skills, then some guy they’ve never heard of just wrecks their stuff. You’re better off fighting a bear than Ellenberger. Yeah, you’d die just as violently, but at least you won’t be left ” target=”_blank”>puking in front of millions of people like you’re on “Jackass” or something. Jake Ellenberger by TKO in round 1.
RYAN BADER VS JON JONES
Fightlinker: In the rock / paper / scissors of MMA, wrassler almost always beats dynamic exciting fighter. But Bader switches gears like an Asian grandmother trying to drive a mack truck – when he does his standard second round stall out, Jones is going to elbow him so hard in the face he’ll have to shit his nose out in a month. Jon Jones via KO R2
scissors61: Jones will tell on you if you smoke that sweet cheeba, and Bader looks like he just got done prowling the streets of Phoenix for meth-addicted sorority girls willing to gangbang his frat brothers. None of that has any bearing on this fight, so Bones by TKO in the second round.
Reverend Clint: Both have beaten guys who either should have been or have already been fired by the UFC, so not the best of the best. I see Bader taking this to the ground, he is better at wrastlin’ than Water Noggin, and grinding on Jonny. Ryan Bader via Humping
Grappo: I can’t be objective about anyone that trains with CB Dollaway. I have to root for their failure. Luckily my head and my heart are in sync with this one. Bones with the TKO.
Rodriguez: Confused about people’s opinion on this one. Bader’s last two opponents have victories over Jones’ last two opponents, but the general consensus is still that it will be a blowout. Hype hype hype. Will this be another David Terrell type of self-implosion or will Jones live up to being the love child of Anderson Silva and Fedor like everyone thinks he is? Hell if I know. No pick.
dulljake: Ryan Bader is a guy who is so inconsistent in the cage, you can’t recognize him from round to round. Jones, on the other hand, is a fucking machine who seems to be unstoppable. I think Bader is going to be surprised as hell once he faces him, and the shock itself will make him turtle like a bitch. Jon Jones TKO in Rd2.
MIGUEL TORRES VS ANTONIO BANUELOS
Fightlinker: The only way for Miguel Torres to lose this fight is if he knocks himself out on Banuelos’s fist. Since this already happened against Brian Bowles, it’s not impossible. But it’s pretty unlikely. Miguel Torres via R3 submission.
Reverend Clint: Miguel, Miguel you seemed so unstoppable! But then you met fighters of above average ability. Antonio you are probably best known as Chuck Liddell’s bitch. This seems like a gimme fight for Miguel but you just never know with him anymore. With the UFC expansion into the Latino wallet (do Mexicans use wallets?), either fighter winning would be a boon for the UFC. But it’s probably gonna be Miguel Torres via tko rd 2
Grappo: This is going to be awesome. Banuelos can take it, but I’ve got Torres rallying, probably late in the fight after the mustachioed munchkin loses some steam. Miguel Torres by TKO.
Rodriguez: I swear to Superman, I am gonna kill someone at Zuffa if BOTH of these guys don’t come out to Mariachi music. Diego Sanchez doesn’t even speak Spanish and he was given a full live band at UFC 69. I believe this is the first time two Mexicans are fighting each other in the UFC. Let’s bust out our sombreros and burritos in celebration! Yo pienso el mexicano con la pelo divertidos, treinta – veintisiete decisión.
CHAD MENDES VS MICHIHIRO OMIGAWA
Fightlinker: I don’t know how the UFC plans to invade Japan when they keep throwing their Japanese fighters to the wolves. Stylistically, it can’t get much worse for Omigawa here. Chad Mendes via being on top the entire fight.
scissors61: Everybody knows if two Japanese guys are fighting on the same UFC card one of ‘em is going to lose, and I already picked Yamamoto sooo… Chad Mendes by ‘murrican-style decision.
Reverend Clint: I’m gonna go with my gut and say the japanese fighter loses. Chad Mendes via Unanimous Decision
Grappo: Omigawa has racked up a string of really nice wins, but good old American wrestling is going to fuck him in his shiny hairless ass. Chad Mendes by decision.
Rodriguez: Michihiro “OMG” Omigawa dissappointed everyone with his first run in the promotion, especially by inventing a cure for narcolepsy with Thiago Tavares in his last showing. He won’t have the judges in his pocket now that he’s back in the UFC. Expect Mendes to double leg Michi out of his corrupt Japanese safety zone and into the losers’ circle (which kinda looks like a Sega Activator). Chad Mendes by 30-28 decision.
PAUL KELLY VS DONALD CERRONE
Fightlinker: This is fight that screams “HEY EVERYONE OMG LOOK HOW GREAT DONALD CERRONE IS!” Because the gods of MMA hate that kind of set up, I’m calling Paul Kelly via terrible decision after Cerrone spends too much time working off his back. Suck on that, UFC.
scissors61: Donald Cerrone wins this one by submission in the 3rd and gives Clint an extra something to complain about for a week or two. Yee-haw!
Reverend Clint: This one is tough since I don’t hid my disdain for all things cowboy. With that said I pick Cerrone based on the fact that he is a better fighter, which is why they are throwing him Kelly. Cerrone has only been beaten by then current WEC Champions while Kelly has lost to Marcus Davis and that guy who called out Obama. Kelly will put up a good fight but lose. The Gaucho via Decision
Grappo: Kelly is the type of fighter that Cowboy eats for breakfast. Donald Cerrone by submission.
Rodriguez: Cowboy knows that he doesn’t have to worry about losing his job as long as he’s entertaining. So how do you beat a man without fear? The Kingpin and Bullseye know, but Paul Kelly is neither of them. Cowboy is gonna be like a tornado in the new big Octagon, and Kelly is gonna be his trailer park. Cowboy by submission, round 1.
dulljake: Kelly is one of those guys that’s been hanging on forever without actually accomplishing much … he’s been fighting for the UFC since 2008 for God’s sake. While Cerrone seems to like to toy with guys rather than finish them, I just don’t see Kelly bringing anything to the table that we haven’t already seen before. I know the UFC likes to keep a couple middling UK guys around, but apart from that there’s little reason to bet on the Brit unless you like to lose money. Donald Cerrone via Decision
PAUL TAYLOR VS GABE RUEDIGER
Fightlinker: If you can’t take the heat, get out of the sauna. We already know how that turned out. Paul Taylor vs Gabe Ruediger cracking under the pressure as usual.
scissors61: Do I give a fuck about this fight? Hell naw. Do I still love making fun of Gabe Ruediger? Hell yeah. Paul Taylor puts the proverbial colonic hose in Ruediger’s ass for a 2nd-round TKO and serves up a win that’s as ” target=”_blank”> a breakfast fortress to keep the haters out and takes this one by submission in the 2nd round.
Grappo: Seems like Robertson’s got a good submission game, but Pierce is an unsubbable monster with a lot of experience against legit opponents in the big show. Pierce by dominating, yet still fucking boring decision.