Hello boys and girls, welcome to the Fightlinker UFC85 play by play. As per usual we’ll be keeping all the results after the jump so you don’t get spoiled if you’re just coming to check out the ipecac score.
THE FIGHTLINKER / CAGEPOTATO IPECAC BET SCORE
2:45 Once again we’re tuned into the Yahoo Sports stream, and this time we got the cables to hook our computers into Jake’s 52 inch TV. Shweeet. We’ve been buying PPVs over the net for the past year and whoever used to do it for the UFC before Yahoo sucked a gigantic warty cock. The quality of this stream is better than half the torrents out there. Thumbs up!
3:00 Here we go! Borg cube? Check. Lightning? Check. Gladiator? Check. Vera says “No one knows if Werdum has a chin yet.” The fact that he’s never been KO’d means .. yes? Bisping reminds everyone that he’s never had his ass kicked … I want to remind everyone that he’s never faced a really good striker before. Jake reminds everyone that the UK owned Canada and not the other way around. Good point there, but now it’s time for reparations, bitchs!
3:05 It’s official, Affliction has over run England too. It’s like a freaking virus. They’re talking about Alves missing weight, and how he walks around above 190. “A tribute to Matt Hughes for taking the fight” … yeah, more like “It would have been an absolute disaster for the main event to fall apart after 9 fighters have already dropped off the card.” Props to you Matt. Fuck you Alves for putting him in that situation.
FABRICIO WERDUM VS. BRANDON VERA
FL Pick: Werdum / R2 / Sub
CP Pick: Werdum / Dec
3:10 Werdum says he wants to win this fight so he can take on Minotauro. Did anyone inform him the HW belt is on ice for like 8 months? Sucks to be him. Chute Box knows how to manage their banner … one guy steps up and lets go of the bottom and gravity takes care of the rest. I love watching when all three corner guys spend half their camera time fumbling with that shit.
Werdum’s corner keeps screaming “Heeeey … Hoooooo”. Goddamn I hate ‘stones’ as a measurement. What is this, caveman days? Brandon Vera is looking pretty fucking soft … he’s got more than enough pudge to make LHW. Oh well, after this loss, that’s probably what will happen.
They clinch and Vera throws Werdum off. Vera steps in for a kick then follows and pushes Werdum into the cage. Werdum rolls him against the cage, they roll again then exchange punches away from the cage and split. 4 minutes left.
Werdum walks in with huge hooks. They clinch and Werdum tries to trip Vera down. Vera throws a few knees to the leg. Werdum drops levels and takes Vera down and is now on top in half guard. Vera manages to get into closed guard. Three minutes left.
Werdum is peppering Vera with soft hammerfists. Now switches to elbows. Vera does a nifty escape by pushing Werdum off with his feet and hopping up. After dropping on top of Werdum and landing some strikes he gets up and the ref steps in to stand Werdum. 2 mins left.
Vera lands a good combo that has Werdum staggered. Vera pushes and bounces an elbow off Werdum as he hits the cage. They clinch and Werdum holds on until the ref splits them. They clinch up again and Werdum pushes Vera against the fench and then pulls a nifty trip and lands on top in Vera’s guard. Vera lands some decent elbows from the bottom. 1 minute left.
Werdum lands mount and is throwing some decent punches but nothing damaging. And Dan Mirgogaylata stops the fight with under 30 seconds left. Everyone booooooooooos.
WINNER: WERDUM / R1 / KO
FL Pick: WERDUM / R2 / Sub (1 point)
CP Pick: WERDUM / Dec (1 point)
3:20 Werdum has the worst translater in the world – no one knows what the fuck he’s trying to say. He tries to say that Brandon was saying ‘Stop’ or something. What a confusing clusterfuck. Brankdon Vera flips out, saying “Let me take that ass whupping and get to the next round!”. Werdum pops back in to say “It’s my first time in UK and I love me” according to the translater. Good job, buddy.
3:28 They’re showing a commercial for UFC 86, trying to build up Jackson vs Griffin. “A season on The Ultimate Fighter has brought out their rivalry.” Yeah, a go-kart rivalry maybe.
THALES LEITES VS. NATE MARQUARDT
FL Pick: Marquardt / R2 / Sub
CP Pick: Marquardt / R3 / Sub
3:30 Goddamn is Nate the Great an ugly guy. Shave the pube beard and cut your hair, you nasty ho! Holy shit, I didn’t realize it at first but Leites was speaking english in his promo. Thank got for subtitles. Now Leites comes out to Bob Marley … guess we know who’s getting nailed for mary jane.
3:32 Nate comes out to “O Fortuna” and fake punches the camera man, who spazzes out. Joe Rogan says Tait Fletcher is his ‘good friend’ … poor Rogan.
I never thought I’d say it, but thank god Herb Dean is reffing this match! Leites comes out with a wide shooting stance. Nate stands back like 5 feet to keep some distance. Marquardt steps in and throws several punches. Leites comes back and they exchange with Leites landing. Leites lands a huge punch that drops Nate on his ass. Leites jumps on and gets mount. Leites isn’t doing much, Nate is writhing around like he’s trying to avoid getting raped. He gets back to half guard. The pace has slowed down hardcore with Leites playing the JJ game instead of trying to finish. 2 mins left.
Marquardt manages to get back up and we’re standing again. Leites throws wide and misses. Nate runs in with strikes and then ties Leites up and pushes him into the fence. 1 minute left. Leites does a slow sloppy spinning back kick that lands. And Marquardt lands a good strike that has Leites staggered. 10 seconds left and Nate can’t capitalize. The horn sounds … the gayest horn in the world.
My scorecard: Close close close, but i’d say Leites for the knockdown and mount. 10-9
Leites looking fresh, Nate has his mouth open. Nate goes for strikes quick but not much success. They’re up against the cage, rolling back and forth. Nate goes for a trip but Leites grabs the fence to stay up. They seperate with 4 mins left.
Nate uses his strength to push Leites into the corner and then drops a VERY illegal knee to the face. Leites kinda staggers around a bit but he wants to continue. A doctor gets called in and he askes Leites “You wanna fight?” Leites says “Yeah” and the doctor says “He’s good”. What’s with all the fucking pussy refs lately? Grow some balls muddafucka!
Nate just lost a point and the fight starts back up with 4 mins left. Nate comes out strong and takes Leites down again. Nate is throwing hard strikes and cuts Leites. He gets pushed back and gets forward again … he knews he’s not winning on the scorecard now. Leites is bleeding out the nose. Man, Nate just got ANOTHER warning for grabbing inside the glove, after a warning for shots to the back of the head. One low blow and he’ll have the gamut of illegal moves.
2 minutes left and Nate backs up and then drops down with a good strike. Leites is making some kinda crazy “KRUGH” noise to clear the blood out. Leites goes for a triangle as Nate rains down with strikes. 1 minute left. The ref splits em and stands them up.
Nate shoots but falls over and ends up on the bottom. Leites rains down blood and strikes. Gay horn sounds as the round ends
My scorecard: Marquard, but because of the deduction it’s 9-9
Nate is fighting tired, there’s very little pop. Leites lands a jumping knee but Marquard drags him down. Leites goes for a triangle but Nate escapes. While he’s pulling out he drops an elbow to the back of the head and loses ANOTHER POINT. For a guy who can’t win by judge’s decision, Nate sure is’nt being agressive with 2.5 mins left.
Marquard desperately drags Leites down but does nothing down there. Leites slowly goes through some sub attempts that don’t even gets started. Marquardt throws some punches and Leites responds with some elbows which earn a ‘back of the head warning’ from Dean. Nate gets caught halfway through a pass and they sit doing nothing for a while. Then with 10 seconds left, Nate goes for a piledriver, literally! Isn’t spiking your opponent and illegal? Crazy
My scorecard: Marquardt 10-9
Result: LEITES by SPLIT DECISION
28-27 Leites, 28-27 Marquadt, 28-27 Leites
FL Pick: Marquardt / R2 / Sub (0 POINT)
CP Pick: Marquardt / R3 / Sub (0 POINT)
4:00 Someone needs to tell these fighters that the event is on British cable television, so stop saying “Fuck”, huh? Man, Rogan is ripping into the refs tonight … two fights, two rippages of the ref.
4:03They show Chuck Liddell with Dolphin Head. Goldberg tries to sell an ‘ultimate shock’ for TUF. I can’t remember a ‘shock’ on TUF that wasn’t a huge letdown. And now onto a prelim fight.
LUIZ CANE VS JASON LAMBERT
Fuck Jason Lambert looks like a fatass. He’s got tit flaps. DROP DOWN to MIDDLEWEIGHT, MORON! Your jumping around is making me want to vomit.
Cane lands a good punch and Lambert responds by pushing Cane against the fence. Cane reverses and is doing some damn good dirty boxing. They seperate and Lambert chases Cane across the octagon and walks right into a huge punch. He faceplants and slides and Cane continues with strikes. Lambert shoots and Cane shrugs him off and unloads more strikes. He knocks Lambert sideways and then onto all fours. Herb Dean steps in and gets a takedown attempt from Lambert for his trouble. As with everything else he tried tonight, it doesn’t work.
WINNER: LUIZ CANE / R1 / KO
FL Pick: Cane / R1 / K0 (3 points – already added)
CP Pick: Lambert / R2 / KO (0 Points – already added)
MARCUS DAVIS VS. MIKE SWICK
FL Pick: Swick / Dec
CP Pick: Davis / R2 / KO
4:15 Swick isn’t looking better, he’s looking worse. Very little muscle visible … I think he’s too light at 170. Davis has added a big wooden cross to his retarded “I’m IRISH KINDA!” costume. Maybe next time he’ll come out dressed like a leprachaun? Rogan says Davis would be in contention for a title shot with a win. My god, that would be a slaughter. Wow … Swick has 7 inches on Davis. I’m feeling a bit better about my pick now!
Swick’ss corner yells “It’s do or die!” … yeah, that’s encouraging. Davis steps in with punches, Swick counters with kicks. Swick does a jump knee which just misses. Davis pushes Swick against the cage. Jesus, Davis’ arms are much bigger than Swick’s . Swick trips Davis but Davis scrambles and gets back up securing a guillotine. They go back down and Swick pops out and is now on top. 3 mins left.
Swick is working on mounting .. he’s got half guard and loses it and is back in guard. Davis throws a good elbow from the bottom. The crowd is getting restless. Davis tries to use the fence to get back up and Swick yanks him back flat on his back. Swick throws leather trying to gain points, but no damage is done. I guess people really do like Marcus, they’re chanting the Ole Ole chant, which is … good, i think? 1 minute left.
Swick drops more point elbows which cut Marcus’ eye. Marcus almost sweeps Davis. And the horn sounds.
My Scorecard: 10-9 Swick
Marcus tags Swick when he came in for a kick. Swick is throwing kicks likehe’s a chorus girl in Vegas. Swick pressures Davis onto his back and is in Davis’ guard. Swick is throwing point punches again, no damage. The ref warns of a standup. Swick tries to pass and is in half guard now. Now in side control. Swick almost had mount but Davis grabs half mount. Davis grabs Swick’s arm and is going for a kimura now. Swick seems happy to take it slow and just wait. 2 mins left.
They scramble and the guys stand back up. Davis pushes Swick against the fence and starts throwing leather before tying up again. Marcus is landing some good uppercuts in the clinch while Swick works knees to the belly. More uppercuts from Marcus and Swick falls back and is now on the bottom. Swick is working for a triangle but Davis escapes. They stand up and Davis jumps forward, but Swick literally catches Davis and slams him. Swick in side control as the horn sounds.
My scorecard: 10-9 Swick
Swick’s cornerman is screaming at Swick like he’s losing and sucking. Davis’ corner is telling Davis to seperate against the cage and throw strikes.
The two fighters bounce off eachother and Swick lands a decent knee. Swick is playing it laid back and waiting for Davis to engage. Davis shoots in and presses Swick against the cage. They seperate and Davis is trying to slug it out. Swick just stands back and lets Davis hit air. The announcers are talking like Marcus has lost already. 3 minutes left.
Rogan says the crowd is doing ‘the wave’. Swick pushes Davis against the fence and continues to pepper with small knees to the thigh. Davis works for distance but Swick keeps the clinch alive and doesn’t allow it. Davis tries to take Swick down and Swick holds the fence and loses a point. Now Swick gets agressive and takes Davis down. He’s on top throwing elbows and using shoulder shrugs. He’s now wild with strikes, not doing much damage but the visual imagery of Swick on top swinging and Davis covered in blood is gonna still win Swick the round. Swick looks like he’s had a seizure as he flips out till the horn sounds.
My scorecard: with the point deduction it’s 9-9
Mark DeLaGrotte is telling Davis that he won. I want some of what he’s smoking.
RESULT: Swick / Dec (all three judges 29-27)
FL Pick: Swick / Dec (3 POINTS)
CP Pick: Davis / R2 / KO (0 POINTS)
Swick says he got his head stuck in a subway door the night before the fight. The curse tried to strike again, but he escaped ‘Final Destination’ stylez.
**CORRECTION** I gave both Ben and I one point for the Marquardt/Leites fight, which was obviously a screw up. So the scores have been updated.
MICHAEL BISPING VS. JASON DAY
FL Pick: Day / R2 / Sub
CP Pick: Bisping / R1 / KO
Jason Day is sponsored by the Pita Pit. If you’re Canadian, you know all about that shit! Michael Bisping comes out to Blur’s Song 2 … good choice to pump the shit out of the crowd. Bisping is looking very focused and pissed. The gayest man in the word waves a Canadian flag like he’s trying to jerk off the universe.
They circle at eachother, throwing punches. Bisping pushes Day against the cage and is working for a trip. He drags Day down and is now standing back and jumps in tring to land decent strikes. Day tries to get up but Bisping pushes him back down. He jumps in and gets into side control. They stand back up. Day moves forward and Bisping takes Day down again. And now he’s in full mount and Jason rolls and gets on his knees. Bisping continues to throw hard strikes and Jason can’t get anything going. Bisping steps back and wails on Day until the ref stops it. Damn, that was hardcore dominant from start to finish.
WINNER: BISPING / R1 / KO
FL Pick: Day / R2 / Sub (0 Points)
CP Pick: Bisping / R1 / KO (3 points)
Michael Bisping calls out … Guy Ritchie, asking for a role in his next gangster movie.
5:00 Okay, here’s the deal, UK. Stop it with the pink shirts and faux-hawks. PLEASE. They show a ‘turning point of the night’ feature: Hardonk KO’ing Sanchez. Man, Sanchez got knocked STUPID with that strike.
THIAGO ALVES VS. MATT HUGHES
FL Pick: Hughes / R3 / KO
CP Pick: Hughes / Dec
5:10 Well, if Alves is wasted from not making weight, he doesn’t look it now … he’s looking fresh and pumped. Matt Hughes comes out to his standard hillbilly country song.
There’s a whole bunch of sensual head rubbing and tapping in Alves’ corner as the fight gets ready to go. Tap his head, ATT.
Hughes shoots, and Thiago pulls out. Another shoot, and Alves stuffs and knees. But Hughes hasn’t quit and pulls guard. Hughes is climbing up a bit and goes for an arm. Clooose. They stand up again. Alves lands a knee and Hughes drops levels and takes Alves down. He’s in half guard and is doing very little, throwing elbows to the thigh. Alves gets back to full guard and tries to stand up, but Hughes holds the legs and gets back into half guard. 2 minutes left.
Ref threatening to stand it up. Nothing is happening with 1 minute left. Alves gets back into guard and then Hughes jumps back to half guard again. Another warning from the ref. Thiago pulls out and gets back up to his feet but HUghes is still working the leg. Thiago spins and pops out and Hughes chases with a punch and then ends up taken down. End of the round.
My scorecard: 10-9 Hughes for dominant position
oooh, Hughes just caught a brutal punch on a shoot in. Alves is on top again and Matt Hughes is bleeding like a motherfucker. Alves is using his head to put pressure on Hughes. Hughes forces his way back up to his feet but eats a huge flying knee. He goes down and Alves follows up with few punches and the ref stops it cause no one is home
WINNER: ALVES / R2 / KO
FL Pick: Hughes / R3 / KO (0 Points)
CP Pick: Hughes / Dec (0 Points)
The replay shows Hughes going down badly on his leg, and they’re looking at his knee. Thiago asks for a title shot and they show Dana White with an angry look on his face like “No fucking way”
Hughes thanks Jesus for making him lose. He says again that he’s definately gonna be fighting Matt Serra.
MATT WIMAN VS THIAGO TAVARES
FL Pick: Wiman / R2 / Sub
CP Pick: Tavares / Dec
Tavares swings hard and is landing some good strikes. Wiman shoots in and lands in a guillotine. He pulls out but is now stuck in an omoplatta. Wiman stands up and eats a borderline kick to the face before losing his back standing up. Wiman does a roll and ends up grabbing a leg. They tumble and tussle some more … this is nonstop switching up of grappling.
Wiman on the bottom throwing carefull upward elbows. Thiago responds with some punches. Tavares ends up stuck in an omoplata of his own but pulls out. He continues to stay on top throwing punches down that aren’t really doing anything. 1 minute left. Wiman’s using the butterfly guard that confounded Tavares against Omigawa. He pushes Thiago off and they stand.
Wiman shoots in and has one of Thiago’s legs against the cage. Thiago spins him and Wiman rolls again into guard. Thiago throws hammerfists, again not much damage. Wiman throws elbows up as the horn blows
My scorecard: 10-9 Tavares
Chuck Liddell is in Wiman’s corner doing a good job of saying absolutely nothing. Way to go, Chucky boy.
Tavares rocks Wiman with a good strike and lands another good one. Wiman chases Tavares and throws a decnt kick. Wiman lands with a good strike, Thiago responds and gets taken down for his trouble. Thiago goes for Wiman’s leg and Wiman ends up on top. He gives up the position going for a sub and is in guard now. He uses the butterfly again to push Thiago off and they stand and HOLY FUCKNUGGETS Matt Wiman swings and knocks THiago the fuck out. Like hardcore out for 10 seconds after out.
WINNER: WIMAN / R2 / KO
And that’s the end of the show peeps. Catch you on the radio show and thanks for following along