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Seeing this kind of shit in 3D would probably make your face melt off, and your children would weep over your exploded body.


If you forgot there’s a non-Spike free Fight Night event coming up this Thursday night, the UFC will remind you by coming right at your face… but thankfully not in the way that Tito’s wife is accustomed to.*  But don’t worry, you won’t get that sexy experience either way unless you’re one of the tiny minority of viewers who actually own one ah them new-fangled 3D lookity-boxes.

What I’m trying to say here is that “UFC Live 3: Sanchez vs Kampmann” will be the first UFC event ever broadcast in 3D.  If you’re a prole like me who merely owns a 47″ 2D television, don’t bother rushing out to find a set of red-n’-blue cardboard glasses, there’ll still be the regular broadcast on the usual channels (Versus in the US, Rogers SportsnetONE in Canada).  They’re also bringing former WEC commentator Todd Harris back from wherever he’s been and pairing him with Kenny Florian for the 3D broadcast, while us 2D viewers still get the ol’ Goldberg/Rogan show… I’m not sure why they figured they needed a separate commentator team for the 3rd dimension, but whatever.

If and when 3D TV catches on, imagine years from now when we all have 3D and the UFC broadcasts all their events in it… think of Pettis’s foot flying right by your face, or pretending to nuzzle that same face between Arianny’s glorious chesticles, or reaching out to touch Big Country’s equally glorious belly.  That will truly be a brave new world, my friends.  What’s next, Smell-O-Vision?

As for the card itself, Martin Kampmann will try to wash off the shame of being dry-humped by Jake Shields when he faces Diego Sanchez in the main event.  Diego looked shitty and undersized in his return to welterweight against John Hathaway, but much better in beating Paulo “Evil Bert” Thiago, and he’s apparently put on enough weight now that he says “the options are closed for me to ever go down to 155 again.”  Well hey, I tell you what… you could if you ” target=”_blank”>yes-cartwheel” joke multiple times, so this is what we got.

  • TomAce666

    Props for the Charlie Sheen caption hahaha

  • Predator8u

    @AGENT… thanks man I forgot we even had a card on TV this week.AWESOME. I hope the “Hitman” off’s Diego  

    I think this whole 3D thing is just an excuse to charge more $$$ for anything it’s attached to (AVATAR was worse in 3D, I thought). but cool of the UFC to throw a bone to the rich fucks who bit.  

  • iamphoenix

    i’m going to recycle what i said in the forum post….what’s this about ufc fighters having to wear 3D glasses while they fight now?

  • agentsmith

    Off topic question:

    Would you folks prefer if a post this long had a “jump”, in order to keep the front page shorter?  Or do you prefer it all up front like Pam Anderson?

  • Grappo

    I’ve been wavering back on forth on whether or not I was going to see this live, but ultimately my principles will not allow me to pay money to watch CB Dollaway.   Or maybe it’s because I’m broke at the mo. 

  • FiveBoltMain

    I prefer a jump. It makes the article mysterious :P

  • iamphoenix

    split it vertically.

  • scissors61

    Would you folks prefer if a post this long had a “jump”, in order to keep the front page shorter?  Or do you prefer it all up front like Pam Anderson?

    jump would be better if you ask me. also, that is a pretty damn good undercard. 

  • Take It Easy

    if you added a jump it would only make it more obvious this site has no content

  • P W

    3D huh? Didn’t K1 have that like a year ago?

  • frickshun

    Take It Easy–>the only thing lacking content is the front of your trousers.

    LinkSmith–>I prefer Wiki links to Sherdog. I think it’s the clean, quick-loading pages & descending order of fights. As far as the jump, I think I prefer it all on the main page unless it’s a bunch of gifs.

  • Take It Easy

    itd be wierd if i did

  • Komodo

    I always hit every article through RSS, so jumps are moot for me. I almost never cruise the site from the base page.

  • agentsmith

    @ frickshun:  I usually prefer Wikipedia too, but alot of the lesser-known guys either don’t even have Wiki pages yet or they’re not updated, so it’s just easier to link to Sherdog.

  • CAP

    I say use a jump if there is enough content. Sometimes too many gifs on the front page is crippling imo.

    I wonder what they will charge for 3D. Not like it matters to me.

  • rmaramba

    This is funny. Agentsmith is funny.

  • agentsmith

    In retrospect, I maybe shoud have Shawn’d it up by using “your mother” instead of “Tito’s wife”.

  • Symbul

    The third dimension they’re adding is the bizarro dimension, where Todd Harris is not fucking retarded.