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UFC on FOX 4 marks the return of The Dragon

(Not urine! Okay, maybe there’s a little urine in there.)

It’s been a spell since we’ve seen Lyoto “The Dragon” Machida . He hasn’t fought since losing very badly to Jon Jones in December of last year. But if you’re a fan of karate and piss-chugging, then worry not! Machida is set to return August 4th to face Ryan “Darth” Bader. And you don’t even have to fork over $50. This jammy is free on FOX.

Machida needs a strong showing here. He stormed the UFC in 2007 with a traditional, eastern martial arts style that you just don’t see much of in MMA. It was pretty freakin’ awesome to those of us who grew up in the 80’s watching “Kung Fu Theatre” on Sunday afternoons. We were convinced that ninjas were real and lived amongst us, and that they could in fact jump up onto a ten story building from a stationary position, and slay 200 men with nothing more than a few darts and a pair of nunchucks. We watched in amazement as a water colored ninja surfed down a river on his big toe with six other ninjas stacked up on each of his arms, so excited that we would smash ourselves in the head with our own nunchucks. The cool kids had the non-padded ones.

Then we found MMA, and our dreams were smashed into a billion pieces when we learned that wrestling and this weird jiu jitsu stuff rendered Karate and Kung Fu pretty much useless. But then “The Dragon” came along, and all was right in the world again.

Well, after a stellar 8-0 Octagon streak that saw Machida capture the light-heavyweight crown by brutalizing Rashad Evans, all of a sudden that invincible mystique disappeared, and Machida started losing fights. It was dismaying to say the least. It’s all good though, because August 4th begins the Year of the Urine Shot. That’s right, Machida is upping his daily intake of refreshing, electrolyte-rich piss to summon the powers of the Super Ninjas, and he will retake the Octagon and will recreate mankind in his image.

  • Letibleu

    You had one messed up childhood! I am no psychologist but my money would be on your brain suppressing some sort of

  • Letibleu

    childhood memory of staying at that creepy uncles house that has since made taking baths a source of great anxiety.

  • Letibleu

    Lyoto will never regain that luster he lost in the second Rua fight. He is now just an elite UFC fighter that is simply considered “very unorthadox” but beatable.

    I hope he tears bader a new one and then we get to see Rashad vs Lyoto 2.

  • Blackula Jonez

    What Leti said, unless Bader has some new tricks up his sleeve.

  • Fightlinker

    Yeah his whole dump and hump routine is getting old

  • iamphoenix

    Lyoto did not “storm” the UFC in 2007. It took him awhile to get people to like him. If storming the UFC means fighting Sam Hoger, David Heath and Nakamura to a decision then well fuck…

    It wasn’t only until he knocked out Thiago Silva where people’s standing on him swayed…His KO over Rashad was the best thing to ever happen to him.

  • Tony

    @Letibleu, I’m not sure how you went from nunchucks and ninjas to creepy uncles and baths, but it was pretty damn funny. Sounds like we both had screwed up childhoods.

  • Tony

    @iamphoenix, If you MUST get all technical on me, then yes you are absolutely correct. Those early wins were nothing to write home about, but looking at it as a whole, 8 straight wins in 2 1/2 years is pretty damn stormy. And don’t get me wrong, I don’t honestly believe Machida will ever be champion again. I just enjoyed the whole Karate thing while it lasted, it was nostalgic.

  • iamphoenix

    who writes home about UFC fights? tell your parents to buy the ppv’s so you don’t have to write to them.

  • theinsaneoneJustinMcCully

    I miss the old Lyoto threads where everyone called him a boring points fighter. He is providing some spectacular KO highlights now.

  • frickshun

    I like the part where Tony personally took the time to write handtyped letters to Leddy & Phoenigga. How many pruhfeshunal full thyme ryders would do that?!

  • Blackula Jonez

    Full Thyme Ryders…is that a new rap group or blogger gang?

  • MadMan

    …i wonder how many times machida’s kid ran into
    the glass door before they put the yellow tape up.

    My favorite part of the article is when the water
    colored ninja was surfing on his big toe!

  • iamphoenix

    i’m pretty sure tony wants my dick.

  • Jenny Talia

    This Tony fellow makes a pretty good Fightlinker impression. I like it.