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UFC Sweden card to become first UFC held inside a giant scrotum

The UFC on Fuel 2 card is starting to firm up, and in order to go off, the promotion will come inside Sweden’s scrotum-looking Ericsson Globe Arena on April 14. Sweden has a metric buttfuckton of MMA fans, and hopefully lots of Swedish MMA fans (*cough* titties *cough* blond hair and asses *cough*) will show up for the show, making the broadcast enjoyable to watch. It seems like the UFC put in a concerted effort to force us into berets and Fiats by booking European fighters in nearly every match:

  • Light heavyweight: Alexander Gustafsson vs. Antonio Rogerio Nogueira
  • Middleweight: Brian Stann vs. Alessio Sakara
  • Welterweight: Paulo Thiago vs. Siyar Bahadurzada
  • Featherweight: Ross Pearson vs. Dennis Siver
  • Welterweight: DaMarques Johnson vs. John Maguire
  • Bantamweight: Brad Pickett vs. Damacio Page
  • Featherweight: Akira Corassani vs. Jason Young
  • Middleweight: Magnus Cedenblad vs. Francis Carmont
  • Welterweight: Papy Abedi vs. James Head
  • Welterweight: Besam Yousef vs. Simeon Thoresen
  • Light heavyweight: Jorgen Kruth vs. Cyrille Diabate

Notable is the triumphant return of Hamid “Akira” Corassani from a lower extremity injury to face Jason Young. I was so captivated by the charismatic portrayal of his kind, humble personality on TUF 14 that I lost sight of how obvious it is that he is a native son of the land of the Volvos. Now that I think about it, his fair skin, blond hair, and blue eyes give away his Swedishness completely.

Apparently, the UFC originally tried to book Dan Henderson vs. Antonio Rogerio Nogueira II for the main event, but Henderson turned the fight down, prompting the UFC to make the card significantly less hideous (sexually, not competition-wise) by giving Alexander Gustafsson the fight. One might think that Henderson would want to avenge his earlier loss against Nogueira, but he seems scared more interested in moving towards a title shot:

I was under the impression that [Dana White] was still kinda on the fence on whether he was gonna put me in front of Rashad [Evans] or not. That’s assuming Rashad wins. He did offer me a fight with little Nogueira and I just didn’t think the fans would be interested in that fight and it was a little bit, not as much time as I’d like to prepare for a five round fight so I told him I’d wait and see what happens with the Rashad fight,” Henderson explained. “I’d like to fight Jones now, rather than if I took that fight with Little Nog. I wouldn’t be fighting Jones for another eight, ninth months. I’m okay waiting a little bit. It was more about having the time to prepare and I did inquire to say hey, I would be interested in doing it if it was a three round fight, I could have time to prepare.

I always think of Henderson, and he thinks of himself, as a guy who takes on all comers and has a decent shot to win against anyone. But the whole blindsiding Matt Lindland with a lawsuit thing let us all see “ruthless businessman Dan”, and refusing the Nogueira fight to get closer to a title shot reinforces that image. I understand that at 41 years old, Dan wants to maximize the impact of whatever time he has left in MMA, but Sylvester Stallone has taught us that sucking on executed Chinese prisoners’ balls and calling it “replacement therapy” is a very powerful thing. Doing this could keep Henderson young and spry for decades, so he shouldn’t worry too much. Plus, anyone with that face certainly has little to lose in taking whatever fight comes along.

  • agentsmith

    I dunno about you, but my sack is neither multi-coloured nor multi-faceted.

    As for Hendo, I don’t blame him for turning down that fight.  Little Nog just came off a 2-fight skid by beating Tito Ortiz, which everyone knows is no great accomplishment these days.  Meanwhile Hendo is on a 4-fight win streak including Fedor and Shogun, so Little Nog would be a significant step down in competition.  Gustafsson is a MUCH more appropriate opponent for Nog.

  • dick

    ^^^ If you click the “Ericsson Globe Arena” link in the article, you’ll see it in its raw, pasty, gray form, which is undoubtedly much like your ballsack these days due to your lack of exposure to the sun in the arctic tundra.

    Also, while you’re correct that Hendo is currently a few notches above Nog’s level, I’d much rather see Hendo fighting than not fighting. To me, whatever move makes the UFC more likely to ice Hendo is a bad move. Refusing ANY fight is in that category.

  • agentsmith

    Correction: my sack is neither silvery nor multi-faceted.

  • dick

    pic or gtfo

  • CAP

    I’m with Hendo the Nog fight is a step down if he’s on a title run. Give him Bones and have Evans or Davis fight the winner.

    Dick must be fairly familiar with blue balls.

  • Jarman

    wtf? he’s actually talking about needing the time to get ready for a five rounder? I’ll believe he can do that when I see it. The last two rounds of hendo’s last fight was a testament to shogun’s toughness, hendo’s lack of 5 round cardio, and hendo’s complete predictability at not being able to last. But I agree lil nog in a eastern ppv would be a bad fight for him. I just wanna see him fight sooner rather than waiting for jones. I still feel like this card needs a better main event though. the undercard is underwhelming. so much so, it takes away from what gustafson v lil nog could be.

    that could only be a uniball scrots. it is cold up there, maybe the other one’s migrated underground to keep warm

  • SpiderJerusalem

    Yeah, he’s scared to fight Nog, but pumped to fight Jones! That makes total sense. It’s like ducking Mike Brown to get to Aldo.

  • fightlinker

    yeah so long as he’s not pissing zuffa brass off doing it

  • emil

    I drove by the scrotum-arena like 30 minutes ago. Here in Stockholm we’ve always thought of it as a giant golfball, but now I saw that it’s in fact a testicle. By the way, the tickets got available for the public today and sold out in 30 minutes. Not sure how many of those that were bought by our blond girls though. And yeah, we seriously have the prettiest girls in the world. It’s almost ridiculous.

  • Letibleu

  • DJ ThunderElbows

    Bravo Leti.  Bravo.

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