twitter google

War Machine get a year in jail

Things that don’t help your credibility as a sane individual who doesn’t deserve to go to jail for multiple counts of assault:

  • having your name legally changed to War Machine (i’m sure it seemed smart at the time)
  • having a giant anarchy tattoo covering your fist
  • having a grenade tattooed on your neck

But this last one is a major one:

  • having footage from multiple cameras showing you brawling with half the universe

And now it has finally resulted in War Machine going to jail. For those of you wondering how many assaults you can get away with before ending up with a serious prison sentence, the answer is “4”. And here’s War Machine’s tweets on heading to prison and the fights:

Weak! Looks like Ill be doing a year in San Diego County jail. Prolly gonna go in about 2 weeks..ugh. Gonna be SO boring! No delicious food, no training, no wifee, no friends. Whatever tho when I get out my partners and I will be opening our sick gym in Austin Texas and Ill be righ back to fighting. Jail is DUMB. All it does is press the PAUSE button on your life. What’s it supposed to teach you? Anyway, who knows some bad ass books I should read!?

First of all I wasn’t even involved in the original fight! It was my buddy and some drunk asshole. 2nd I didn’t start fighting until his TWO friends came running over to jump in! 3rd- if you watch the footage from the parking lot I’m getting jumped by like 10+ guys! How am I the ONLY one who got charged with a crime that night??????? And how is it “criminal” to defend yourself and ur buddy when you get jumped!? FUCK THE U.S.A.!!! Free country my ass! So yeah, I’ll be gone for a year for doing NOTHING at all. Only have a few tweets left….prolly go in in about 2 weeks or so…I’ll keep you guys posted!

Now obviously when you’re involved in three – count’em, THREE – major fights in one night following a long history of assaulting people, you’re likely going to end up in jail. But on the other hand, he is right: video of the third fight shows half the population of that random Vegas San Diego parking lot swarming War Machine and gangbanging him.