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War Machine Strikes Again

Look, I know that every time we post anything War Machine related we are essentially playing into his little game to get free exposure by publicly spewing verbal diarrhea (or just being himself). And at the current juncture, I am perfectly fine with that. The train wreck that occurs every time this guy opens the dick hole in his face is just too good to miss.

Here, talking to the dude from who you’ve no doubt seen a million times, War Machine actually enunciates a few of the statements that have been attributed to him over the past few weeks. It’s akin to hearing about about “>”It’s still real to me”-guy without witnessing his tears for yourself. Sure, it’s kinda funny to think about, but it reaches a whole new level of hilarity when you see it with your own eyes. For the readers of this site who identify with that guy and don’t find him the least bit amusing (I’m talking to you, CRS), it’s the equivalent of hearing about wheelchair basketball without ever seeing it.

After the jump, a few of War Machine’s best comments for those of you too busy looking at old PRIDE videos, LOLCATZ, and MyFreePaySite to watch the 10 minute clip.

“I’m a little bit of a character and I do a lot of impulsive things. It’s gotten me in some trouble, cost me some money. I’m trying to really, really, really think before I act. It’s hard.” [ed note: We know, Jon. Thinking is tough but one day, maybe, you’ll acquire the cognitive abilities the rest of us take for granted that allow us to make logical decisions.]

“I was actually working [at Krave]. I’m straight, but I’m not scared of a gay dude. I work there to make some extra money. I’m making great money there. Believe it or not, a gay bar is a great place to pick up chicks.” [ed note: It’s also a great place to pick up dudes.]

“I was doin bottle service. You know, the cute girl at the clubs? I was the cute guy, I guess. I had no shirt on and shit. [ed note: Oh my god. I couldn’t make this up if I wanted to.] I was servin’ drinks. I put up with the guys little comments but it was no big deal. Great money.”

“If I don’t make enough money fighting, I’m not about to go work a normal job. I’m probably going to kill myself too. My friend Justin Levens killed himself. His coach killed himself about 6 months ago. It’s going to be a thing that happens.” [ed note: Seriously, pal, get some help. I’d love to make a ‘sale on rope’ joke right now but you sound like you legitimately need to see somebody with a phD who can get those suicidal thoughts out of your head.]