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Why I Didn’t Join Team-Tanner

I can remain silent no more on this issue! I’m not the blogging portion of the duo, but I just had to say something about this shit.

I’m not an expert when it comes to addiction. Personally, I find the idea of being shackled to an unaltering habit rather limiting. At worst, it’s the kind of shit that will make your life a living fucking nightmare. Sure, it might seem like a good idea to chase the dragon, but eventually, he’ll burn your ass off.

I was happy when Evan Tanner managed in a seemingly triumphant move to kick his destructive drinking habit. The MMA world breathed a collective sigh, and for a while, his story sounded a little bit like Beowulf, come to slay the Middleweight Grendel that is Anderson Silva.

This happiness was somewhat diminished when a boring Japanese man crushed my dreams, and it was with some trepidation that I patiently awaited to see if our old friend Evan would sink back into despair, and seek the comfort of the bottle. Luckily, it seemed as though this vice was really under control, and his business plan of asking his fans to donate serious monies seemed now a good idea to me; enough for me to seriously consider adding to the fund.

This, however, was revealed to be a terrible plan. It seemed that after his fight with Okami, Evan didn’t have quite enough to pay all of his outstanding bills. Did he go to Payday loans? Did he ask his fans to pay up a little more, at least until his next bout? No. He decided to go to the casino and try to WIN his way out of his debt.

If you think it’s a bad idea to walk into a building designed to sucker you out of your hard earned coin simply for the illusionary thrill of winning, then you have far more sense than poor Evan. It seems he spent every last dime he had, over the span of many days (consecutively it would seem) Gambling his money on the foolish hope that he could somehow beat the house. Needless to say, this After School Special ended with Evan digging around in his car for enough change to buy a can of tuna.

What drives me insane is the fact that Evan appears to seriously defend his actions, hearkening them to his fighting spirit. Somehow, I’m to believe that his “all or nothing” attitude is fucking noble, and to pat him on the back for squandering his hard earned cash on the loose promise of casino monies.

Evan, all you’ve done is trade one monkey on your back for another. You don’t seriously think your fans are going to be impressed with this, do you? Did they borrow money from their grandmothers so you could go the the MGM Grand and spend it all on energy drinks and blackjack? And to have the balls to fucking say that this was the right thing to do, that you wouldn’t take it back if you had the chance! Evan, I love you buddy, but you can’t keep floating through life in a daze, thinking that you can use the same mentality you have in the Octagon and apply to the complexity of every day life.


  • Omomatta

    I agree. What was he thinking? I think that it’s time for him to accept some sponsors. I bet he’d wear a Fightlinker patch on his shorts if you sent him a case of Chicken of the Sea and a couple loaves of Wonder Bread.

  • jd

    Let’s hope he can eat enough tuna fish to survive until his fight this summer. There’s a reason the Fertitas are one of the richest people in their country. Casinos are made for you to lose, and lose big.

    Sure you might win a game or two, but if you dont stop while you’re ahead — you’ll just be playing to lose. The odds are stacked against you.

    What was his threshold? I wonder if he even had one.

  • FTRO

    Evan Tanner is a god damn idiot. Always has. Never understood the fascination with this incoherent, rambling, drunk LOSER. An average fighter who lost his way to compete at the top decides to run away from life at middle age and write a blog full of superficial pablum with cliché hippie philosophy. Along the way he becomes a full time fuck-up and for whatever reason Fightlinker thinks Tanner is a modern day Hemmingway.

    The reality is Tanner is a pretentious, megalomaniac pissant who just blew through a $25,000 payday and thinks he’s being a clever and insightful sage in bragging about it. What a turd.

    There’s always Zombie Pride I guess.

  • winklepicker

    “I’m not the blogging portion of the duo…”

    You should post more often, Jake.

  • dulljake

    First i need to get my terrible spelling under control first. I’m just a rant machine. So I promise I’ll post more rants if people like them.

  • Captain

    I would call it more Kerouac than Hemingway.

    His second to last paragraph where he talks about the ups and downs, not eating, not sleeping, sounds exactly like classic gambling addiction. Thinking Vegas may not be the best place for him. Maybe he should move to Utah and train with Burkman full time. Something tells me it should be harder to get in trouble in Utah than Vegas.

  • Sofian

    I just read that post and the entry reflects exaclty waht I was thinking, I mean sure we all supported this feelgood story but really F Tanner!! That means all the money the fans paid him to “sponsor” him went and got gambled away, the guy talks like a typical addict (always justifying his actions somehow). I bet he pulls the same crap after his next fight, who knows if he’s stupid enought to post it and make it sound like a war story again. I was fully behind him but now I see that he’s complete scum.

  • dulljake

    I think he’s got a serious problem. We should petition to do an intervention. Like, the one on A&E or something.

  • Big D D

    Spot on———->More Jake Please.

  • MadMan

    [First i need to get my terrible spelling under control first. I’m just a rant machine. So I promise I’ll post more rants if people like them.]

    Second you need to get your redundancy under control second…LOL!!

    I jest, Jake…your thoughts were relevent, elequent, and well-stated. Couldn’t agree more.

  • dulljake

    Haha, I do that all the time. It’s hilarious.

  • Fightlinker Jackal

    Fuck, I was considering supporting him. Nothing I hate more than numbskulls wasting their money on gambling… let alone someone else’s money you begged for!

  • nem0

    Shit, when I read the first part of his post, I thought it would end with him laughing off the UTTERLY FUCKING LUDICROUS idea of gambling until he could pay the rent. Seriously, what the fuck? Not only is it a stupid plan, but it’s disrespectful toward all the people who sent him sponsor money and tried to support him when he looked like he would rise above the bullshit and get his life on track.

    Dude really does need professional help, and he definitely needs to get the hell out of Vegas.

  • andres

    Fucking aye man tanner is so fuckin badass why da fuck would the ufc put him up agianst okami
    Fuck dude I almost cryed since my fam is full of alcholics shit gets fucked up I hope he eats today….I realy do

  • Zurich

    If he was smart he would have gone into male prostitution.

  • Smitler

    Surely giving Evan Tanner money was gambling in the first place?
    The people giving it gambled and lost.
    He received it, gambled and lost.
    He’s not a bank where you can put money in and then draw it back out again in a few months.

    I don’t see the problem? Some idiots gave some money to another idiot who then did something idiotic with it.
    That about the size of it?

  • operator

    I would be serioulsy pissed if I had given him money and found out that he had gambled it away. I also wonder what would happen if he ever made enough money to pay the bills would he pay them or find a way to fuck things up again. I know some people who always find a way to fuck their lives up and it almost seems like they seek out a way to do it. At least he didn’t get shit face and wake up in an alley or something.

  • FightStinker is RIGHT!

    whats next? He trys to get money by Muggin liqours stores?

    This guy needs to find a different career.

  • x5BoltMainx

    Something tells me he wont make it to 2010.

  • winklepicker

    Your spelling can’t be any worse than Ryan’s grammar (it’s/its).

    Wait, did I type that out loud?

  • danaunclefesterwhite

    Evan Tanner makes $25,000 to lose before taxes and deductions, training costs, etc, which is more than 90% of the UFC roster probably, and yet he’s living like a hobo? What the fuck? I’m no expert on the fighter lifestyle but I would imagine that $25,000 a fight is more than enough to afford training full-time. Let alone buying a frickin can of tuna and a loaf of bread. Tanner is one of those people who carelessly blow all their money like MC Hammer and Mike Tyson.

  • Xenicore

    I think I’m done with this guy. He’s starting to come off like a salesman.
    He’s irresponsible and trying to sell his irresponsibility as something like courage, or stoic pride.

  • RoB

    fuck all the haters tanner for life!!!

  • Atom

    His best shot would have been putting all the money on black/red/odd/even, and taking his slightly-less-than-50/50 odds…. or perhaps reason has no business in a casino in the first place.

  • Higgz

    I propose Jake posts more often. It’s a different flavor than Ryan–and since you’ve been around for the long haul you guys can hold to your convictions of not having a bunch of random d-bags posting all the time.

  • dulljake

    ok i submit. I’ll post more often with my rants. I promise.

  • Big D D

    There it is folks Jake taps out! Woo hoo we get more Jake! Happy times are here again! I, for one, is be real real happy. Please… no offense to you Ryan (you know where you stand)