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Woman choked unconscious by mixed martial artist while driving

There are acceptable ways to combine MMA with other sports and activities. Combining arm wrestling with MMA may be Snooki levels of stupid, which is probably why it currently has the support of Snooki’s highly successful TV producers. Combining MMA with football/rugby… well, let’s just say that it could be worse. ” target=”_blank”>having limbs) seems to be not simultaneously operating a motor vehicle.

Last Saturday, a 33-year-old heavyweight MMA fighter in Bremerton, Washington allegedly forgot about this requirement when he choked a buddy’s girlfriend unconscious while she was driving a car, causing her to piss her pants. Evidently, the fearsome attack also caused the woman to push the brake pedal, bringing the car to a complete stop. Both of the men were then arrested after it was discovered that the woman’s boyfriend had an outstanding warrant. Here is the Bremerton Patriot’s account of the incident:

The woman said the 33-year-old heavyweight MMA fighter was visiting from California and is a friend of her 33-year-old boyfriend. When she and her boyfriend went to pick the friend up in Seattle earlier in the day, he was intoxicated. The three of them decided to have some drinks in Chico but the friend became rowdy and since the woman said she was “in the best shape” of the three of them, she drove them to her boyfriend’s East Bremerton residence.

While driving, the friend became more belligerent and when the woman yelled back at him, he grabbed her by the neck and began choking her, according to reports. She grabbed for a knife that she keeps for self defense but decided not to stab the man. She told the deputy she only remembers pounding on the steering wheel in an attempt to get some oxygen before passing out. Before passing out, she was able to slam the brakes and bring the vehicle to a stop.

When she gained consciousness, she realized she had urinated in her pants and went to a friend’s house to change her pants and called 9-1-1. She told her boyfriend to come with her, but he remained with his friend.

Both the boyfriend and the friend denied that an assault occurred. They said the woman was driving recklessly and they wanted to get out of the vehicle. The deputy didn’t observe any marks on the woman’s neck but did observe the soiled driver’s seat and a knife on the floorboard of the vehicle.

Ohhhh… So the guy was preventing her from driving so badly by choking her out while she was behind the wheel. So really, he’s no different from Jason “Mayhem” Miller; this is a glowing endorsement of the reasonableness of his behavior. Perfect! The logic behind the arrest also shines with the light of pure reason. There is no proof that anyone was choked except for a puddle of piss and the statements of an “obviously” intoxicated woman who claims to have been able to bring a car to a complete stop while being choked unconscious. That’s obviously all we’ll need to get a conviction out of this. ” target=”_blank”>Book ‘em, Danno!

  • Omomatta

    Thank you Dick! I love your articlols!

  • iamphoenix

    bad omo! bad!

  • DJ ThunderElbows

    I gotta go with Omo on this one.   He brought some funny this time, good work Mr. Dastardly.

  • G Funk

    ^ What? Not often I question your judgement deej, but this is no diff from the rest.

    And Fernando was joking. Ohhh I get it now, twas a joke! HA! ;-)

  • frickshun


    DJ–>Buy a clue.

    Dick Dastardly–>still not funny but I appreciate your persistence. I wish my kids had the same quality.

  • DJ ThunderElbows

    Sorry guys, he’s improved from where he started and that’s something.  The site is still boring in general lately, so I respect that he’s trying.

  • kwagnuth

    I would have stabbed that fucker for making me pee my pants in public. 

  • iamphoenix

    still fucking lame. why do i remember a year back or two that i would always get a laugh from the posts from ryan and whoever posted at the time, but now it’s solely in the comments section.

  • frickshun

    DJ–>I consider this a step back. But what do I know…..oh yeah, I know when something is funny.

  • Omomatta

    I’m surprised Thunderbiscuits didn’t pick up on my Ecuadorian Sarcasm…..It runs deep in the homeland.

  • iamphoenix
  • frickshun