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Wrestling Regains Olympic Spot, Modern Pentathlon’s Lease on Life Unaffected

Wrestling Regains Olympic Spot, Modern Pentathlon’s Lease on Life Unaffected

File this one in the Annals of David Terrell: the International Olympic Committee (IOC) voted to add wrestling back into the 2020 Olympic Games after voting to remove it 7 months earlier. Word has it that the IOC was convinced after rule changes and being reminded of the existence of the infamous and fun “oil check” move. That must have been a factor, because FILA (wrestling’s international association) was reprimanded because some letter by Japanese people presented “ethical violations” during the campaign. Something about fingers—no big deal. What a bunch of whining pussies.

No ethical violation could compare to what occurred during the original vote that removed wrestling from the Olympics, because nearly everyone called shenanigans after wrestling was removed instead of modern pentathlon. The latter sport deserved to be the one dropped on nearly every available metric. But it had the advantage that when you prick the people who run the sport administratively, they bleed blue. And that means so much in today’s modern world… how heartening.

To appease the powers that be on the IOC, ironically, rule changes to make wrestling more closely resemble the UFC had to be adopted. There will be no more singlets, and now wrestlers will strut to the mat surrounded by lighting displays and pyrotechnics that can ignite their faces. Further, the stirring tones of the Red Hot Chili Peppers will be playing loudly through large speakers. It will truly be a sporting revolution. At least this is better than all funding for wrestling programs in every country everywhere drying up as soon as the mats roll up after the 2016 Olympics.

  • MisterGordons

    Thank goodness that I will be treated to enthusiastic men rubbing themselves against each other!

  • MisterGordons

    And the good news is…

    That I’m 55.2328% more likely to pay any attention to the oyhlimpicks…

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