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You’ll never see Sakara vs Rivera, nyawahahahaha!

Yar, I be the Gypsy Queen or pirate or something and I curse ye MMA fans to a summer of fight cards destroyed by pestilence and impairment! My latest act is to fuck up Alessio Sakara vs Jorge Rivera at UFC 133. I’ve got a voodoo doll of Sakara and yesterday I hit it in the twat with a hammer. This’ll be the third time I’ve thwarted these two fighting, and the seventh fight I’ve meddled with at UFC 133. Heed the will of the Gypsy Queen, UFC! Let it be known that I shall continue to strike down fights and make Brock Lesnar’s bowels leak poop until ye grant me a night with sexy GSP and his tight bod!

  • CAP


  • frickshun

    Haha. Hyan, you’re dumb. But I laughed.

  • Mixed Martial Adam

    Alessio Sakara gets injured more than David Terrell and James Irvin combined – amazing.

  • lukustra

    swear to god, when all my friends were ripping this card for still being a PPV, i just kept saying “at least we get to see Sakara vs Rivera, it should be a gun slinging bangfest! durrrrr.” Officially not watching this card.

  • Mixed Martial Adam

    I’m getting married on the 6th, so I’m pretty stoked that I’m only missing a broken and very mediocre event (on paper at least). A few months back I was worried the Brazil card was at the start of the month and I would be forced to miss it – that would have been a bummer, but now I have a good excuse NOT to watch Rashad Evans decision Tito Ortiz.

    (though Belfort vs Akiyama is probably going to be sweet)

  • Letibleu

    Pictures or it didnt happen.

  • iamphoenix

    they got hurt by hitting hammers with their taints?

  • CAP

    ^Pictures or it didnt happen.